Offering a uniquely Australian perspective on the US Presidential election

Looking After The Pence

Looking After The Pence

Friday 5 May, 2017
In another compelling commentary from the epicentre of Prime Ministerial affairs Lucy explains how distance from Trump fails to lend enchantment.
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In another compelling commentary from the epicentre of Prime Ministerial affairs Lucy explains how distance from Trump fails to lend enchantment.

 “I must say that I like Mike Pence” I commented to Malcolm over dinner at The Lodge last week “and he and his family really felt at home at Taronga Zoo”

“That’s because the environment there” explained Malcolm “is not all that different from the Washington Swamp”

“What was the main purpose of his visit?” I asked

“To apologise for Trump” replied Malcolm “and he did it very well because he’s had so much practice at it”

“And did he help prepare you for the meeting with Trump next week?” I asked

“Certainly” replied Malcolm “he advised me to take a map because apparently Trump’s grasp of geopolitics hasn’t yet extended as far as the Antipodes. Furthermore thanks to him I shall be ready to explain why Australia isn’t equipped to invade North Korea, why it is not appropriate for us to take in inmates from Gitmo in exchange for asylum seekers from Manus Island and why he should resist offers from the ABC to appear on Q&A”

“Tell me Mal” I enquired earnestly “do you really think that Scott is up to delivering a reasonable budget?”

“Well I checked his numbers last week” confirmed Malcolm “and they seemed to add up ok”

“I just get the feeling” I confided “that he’s terrific when it comes to things like stopping boats but he rather tends to be still all at sea when it comes to more complex things like slicing up the economic cake and distinguishing between deficits and surpluses”

“The ideal qualities for a Treasurer” explained Mal “are either an absolute inability to understand numbers which prevents any likelihood of a meltdown when things get really dire or being too much of an optimist ever to accept that a deficit is inevitable. Scott in fact has both these attributes in spades”

“But didn’t Wayne Swan have them as well?” I asked

“Certainly” replied Malcolm “but his problem was that he had Kevin and Julia making the decisions. Luckily for Scott I’m much more of afinancial expert”

“What about Tony and Joe?” I asked

“Well please keep this strictly confidential” pleaded Malcolm “but taking over the economy from them was just as bad as taking it over from the Labor Party

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About this Series
An occasional series featuring the First Lady’s account of her contributions to her husband’s political career and the fate of the nation.

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