Offering a uniquely Australian perspective on the US Presidential election

The Oracle Of Omniscience comes up with a brilliant initiative to assuage the grief of Abbott supporters.

A Defective Strategy

A Defective Strategy

Friday 11 December, 2015
Malcolm comes up with an idea out of left field to rid the Liberal Party of its recalcitrant right.
The story starts here...

Dial Triple O for Malcolm the Oracle

Julie Bishop and Scott Morrison were gossiping governmentally.

“The right wing of the Party is still being an intolerable nuisance” said Julie

“I know” said Scott “I used to be one of them. They’re all campaigning for a Tony comeback”

“If that ever happened” said Julie “I’d be so devastated that I might not be able to bring myself to be his deputy”

“If Tony ever became PM again” explained Scott “you’d be on the first flight out and Bronnie would be on the first helicopter in”

“I can’t understand what Abetz, Bernardi and Andrews are thinking” said Julie

“they all seem to be in favour of invading Syria”

“Well I’d agree with that strategy” said Scott “provided the first boots on the ground were theirs”

‘Even Ian Macfarlane’s getting toey” said Julie “and he’s a good mate of Malcolm’s”

“It’s certainly frustrating” said Scott “especially now that Bill Shorten is looking increasingly like a cheerleader at a funeral”

“Tell you what” exclaimed Julie “we should dial Triple O for Malcolm the Oracle of Omniscience, he’ll know what to do”

Malcolm popped in barely six minutes after the call because he was only two doors down the corridor.

“Look Malcolm” said Julie “Scott and I are very worried about Tony and his right wing ratbags. If they persist with their disruptive behaviour we might have to call on ASIO to put them on a watch-list”

“One moment” said Malcolm “while I switch on my Omniscience to full focus.

The answer is just coming through, yes here it is. They must all be persuaded to transfer to the Nationals”

“Are you sure?” asked Julie “If the Nationals get more members they could demand greater representation in cabinet”

“On the other hand” said Malcolm “it would mean Tony would never have any chance of challenging for the Liberal leadership and it would rid the party of its split. What’s more it wouldn’t affect the Coalition’s majority”

“Wouldn’t the defections appear to diminish your authority?” asked Scott

“Of course not’ relied Malcolm “rather Tony would no longer carry any authority in the Party, Warren Truss’ authority would be diminished because the Nationals would acquire a load of recalcitrant ratbags and Bill Shorten’s authority will just carry on diminishing anyway”

“But how can we get Macfarlane and co. to defect?” asked Julie

“Well if they defect” explained Malcolm “the Nationals would have enough members to get that extra seat in cabinet so I’ll tell all of them they’re the one in the box seat to get it”

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