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A Hole Comments

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A Place To Call Home

Friday 9 October, 2015
A Hole, Australia’s leading anally-orientated social commentator, believes the best way to save Tony from becoming a future feral nuisance in politics is persuading the Royal Family to adopt him.
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A Hole Comments on FridayMash
In the past few days I have received many gratuitous suggestions about Tony’s next career move. However most of them require virtually impossible physical challenges or location in extremely remote places.

By far the most compelling suggestion to date is that he should be adopted by the Royal Family.

The truth is that future career opportunities in Australia for an extreme right wing politician appear to be extremely limited short of a threat by the CFMEU to seize government or news that the people smugglers are preparing to invade.

Tony is hardly the sort of politician you’d pick to steer the country through sensitive issues like gay marriage and climate change keeping in mind the need to avoid armed insurrection at the ABC.

On the other hand who better locally to represent the interests of the Royal Family against another looming onslaught from the Australian Republican Movement?

Following his resignation from parliament the proposition would be that Tony should be adopted by Charles and Camilla because it would bring meaningful purpose back to their lives following news that the Queen is likely to live to one hundred and twenty.

As the Marquis of Manly his Royal duties would be focused mainly on travelling to Canada, Gibraltar, the Falkland Islands and Australia and shirt-fronting anyone likely to support a republican revolution.

This is considered the ideal role for an arch-conservative determined to preserve the old order. There could be also be emerging opportunities for him in the Trump movement if ever it went both international and non-Republican but Tony’s career as a politician might well count against him.

There is absolutely no doubt that Tony would fit in extremely well as a member of the Royal Family. He shares a deep interest with Prince Philip in the art of gobsmacking gaffes and he could readily collude with Charles on any number of heir-brained schemes.

Above all his role as a member of the Royal Family would put Tony in the ideal position to oppose his nemesis Malcolm ever becoming President of the Australian Republic thus compensating for his failure to deny him the role of prime minister.


About this Series
As one of Australia’s leading social commentators A Hole is always conscious of the need to avoid making an arse of himself. His commentaries are frequently compared to the material on the walls of public toilets although they don’t remain in the public consciousness anything like as long.

View all articles in the A Hole Comments Series
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