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A Sinking State Of Mind

A Sinking State Of Mind

Friday 13 November, 2015
Malcolm focuses his omniscience on state premiers’ pecuniary problems and foretells a future infused with Shorten scare campaigns about the GST.
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Dial Triple O for Malcolm the Oracle

On a recent trip to Canberra Mike Baird the NSW Premier bumped into Jay Weatherill his counterpart from SA.

“Hi Jay” said Mike “what are you doing here?”

“Trying to cadge a bit more cash from the feds” replied Jay “If our current economic trend continues we’ll have to consider hiring out parliament for bingo nights”

“Same here” said Mike who considered Weatherill a not all that bad a sort of a bloke for a Labor politician “How the hell we’re supposed to sustain first-class health and education programmes on what Tony gave us only Joe Hockey knows”

“If we don’t start building submarines in Adelaide soon” said Jay “the whole state will go under before they do. Massaging the budget never seems to ease the financial pain”

“Tell you what” said Mike “why don’t we dial Triple O for Malcolm the Oracle of Omniscience, he’ll know what to do”

“Good idea” said Jay “but given that his office is over there why don’t we just pop in to see him?”

“Hi Malcolm’ said Mike on entering the centre of serious sagacity “we just wanted a word about state finances. Both Jay and I are on the bare bones of our assets”

“We were wondering” said Jay “whether you could see your way to coughing an extra bob or two for us on the side”

‘In my infinite wisdom” said Malcolm “I unfortunately failed to back the Prince of Penzance on Tuesday so the Treasury is currently suffering from a gambling problem”

“But Malcolm” said Mike “surely an Oracle of your Omniscience can come up with something to prevent our schools and hospitals being operated on a part-time basis”

“I am fully focusing my Omniscience on the problem and should have a solution any second now” pronounced Malcom “Yes here it is. We should increase the GST to 15% and that will replace all Tony’s take-back and more”

“Bur the GST is a regressive tax” said Jay

“What the hell does that mean?” asked Malcolm

“No idea” replied Jay “but that’s what Bill keeps saying”

“It must be something he picked up from the ACTU” suggested Malcolm

“So when will you increase the GST?” asked Mike

“Whenever you tell me” replied Malcolm “all I need is agreement from all the state premiers”

“Oh dear” said Jay “Daniel Andrews in Victoria is dead against it”

“Does he think it’s regressive, excessive and repressive?” asked Malcolm

“I don’t know” replied Jay “but the ACTU and Bill’s spin doctors obviously do”


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