Offering a uniquely Australian perspective on the US Presidential election

Abroad thoughts From Home

Abroad thoughts From Home

Friday 6 November, 2015
Jacqui aims to make a reputation in foreign affairs but the Think Tank are determined it should be different from the one she’s got for local affairs.
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Jacqui Lambie Think Tank masthead

Nazel Hare, Randy Mayle and Prof Penny Wise weren’t slow in responding to Jacqui’s summons to a Think Tank meeting at Glad’s Tea Rooms on a Friday evening because they were assured of a generous serve of Glad’s Tasmanian devilled kidneys.

Malcolm’s killing it in the polls” commented Randy ‘I think it’s because most women are hot for his body”

“I never mix sex with politics” said Jacqui “in case I get into bed with the opposition by mistake. I’m hot for Malcolm’s money but there seems little chance of me getting a bit on the side”

“I’ve noticed” said Randy “that irrespective of which side of politics they’re on female politicians don’t have liberal policies when it comes to sex”

“Now listen” said Jacqui “I’ve decided it’s time I made a bigger impact in foreign affairs

“But you’re quite well known in Melbourne” said Nazel

“What I mean” said Jacqui “is that I need to enhance my reputation as one of Australia’s leading politicians by being as good at foreign affairs as Julie Bishop and making gob-smacking comments on things like the US Presidential election. Which candidate do you think I should support?”

“I used to be in love with Bill Clinton” said Nazel “until he met that Monica woman and tried to fit a square peg into a round hole in the Oval Office”

“You should support his wife in the election” said Penny “because just like you she’s had a conspicuous lack of success with men but is inspirational in politics”

“Why do you think I’m inspirational?” asked Jacqui

“Because if you can do it” replied Penny “anybody can”

“Jacqui I think you should support Trump” said Randy “because he’s bestowed the opportunity on all beautiful women like you to become Miss Universe”

“Yes I know” said Jacqui “I’m thinking of entering next year”

“I think you should support Trump too” said Nazel “because he’s like Clive but isn’t going down the mine as fast. Although on second thoughts Ben Carson might be the right option because he’s like the messiah leading the American people back to the promised land”

There you go” said Jacqui “that’s just like me leading the Tasmanian people to a prosperous future underpinned by Centrelink and the increase in the GST proposed by Malcolm”

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About this Series
Friday Mash has gained exclusive access to the intellectual powerhouse behind the Lambie political phenomenon. Jacqui has assembled a Think Tank comprising the best minds in Tasmania. Nazel Hare is Jacqui’s campaign manager and President of the Lambie for PM Movement, Randy Mayle is the leader of the Tasmanics a star-studded group of star studs and Professor Penny Wise is the Head of Business Studies at Burnie University. The Think Tank meets regularly at Glad’s Tea Rooms just outside Launceston and Friday Mash will bring you regular reports of their intellectual discourse.

View all articles in the The Lambie Think Tank Series
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