Offering a uniquely Australian perspective on the US Presidential election

Bill’s Angels Activations

Activating More Tony Trashing from Obama

Activating More Tony Trashing from Obama

Friday 5 December, 2014
This is an account of the Angels’ historic activation to the White House to invite Obama to trash Tony terminally.
The story starts here...

Bills Angels on Friday Mash

As they gathered for Bill’s latest skype briefing the Angels sensed that their next activation was going to be a biggie but nothing like a big as it turned out.

‘Good morning Angels’ said Bill ‘the activation I am briefing you on today could change the course of history, could define you as the heroes who stripped the scourge of Abbott from the Australian body politic’

‘Abbott is an absolute arsehole’ interposed Tanya

‘There is no doubt’ said Bill ‘that Obama’s withering criticism of Abbott’s climate change policies gave a huge boost to our struggling ETS aspirations. If we could persuade Obama to give him another couple of lashings it could finish him off completely. Your activation is to go to the White House and prevail upon the President to give Abbott some more seriously shitty serves’

The sheer magnitude of the briefing was enough to bring the Angels back down to earth. Although somewhat daunted by the prospect of making an overture to Obama they remained steadfast in their dedication to the Angels’ code of conduct.

‘Good morning Mr President’ said Tanya after they’d waited a week to see him ‘thank you for seeing us at such short notice’

‘I had a great time with Tony at the G20 in Brisbane’ said Obama

‘We really appreciated’ said Penny ‘the way you arseholed him over his climate change policies’

‘It was all in good fun’ said Obama ‘Tony’s a good mate of mine’

‘But Mr President’ said Kate ‘we were rather hoping we could persuade you to give him another couple of touch-ups on say his economic and asylum seeker policies’

‘Are you kidding?’ asked Obama ‘compared with us the Australian economy is booming beyond our wildest dreams. It would be like North Korea criticising the US for not holding enough elections’

‘There’s lots of questions about Abbott’s policy on asylum seekers’ said Tanya

‘I know’ said Obama ‘I’ve got another. How the hell did he manage to stop the boats? I’d be grateful for your advice because it might help stop the illegals pouring over our Southern Border’

‘What about criticising his education policies’ suggested Penny ‘or his free trade agreements’

‘It is of the utmost importance for the future relationship between our two countries’ said Obama ‘that I’m perceived to support them more strongly than President Xi’

‘Maybe you could just cast aspersions on his hosting of the G20’ said Kate

‘Well maybe I was a trifle disappointed’ said Obama ‘that he didn’t shirt-front Putin’

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About this Series
Tanya Plibersek, Penny Wong and Kate Ellis are the tempestuous trio who comprise Bill’s Angels. No activation is too daunting for these glamourous guardians of goodness as they respond to Bill’s demands to root out any right-wing ratbag with the gall to mess with working families.

View all articles in the Bill’s Angels Activations Series
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