Offering a uniquely Australian perspective on the US Presidential election

Kerryman - the Hair Apparent

All That’s Left

All That’s Left

Friday 18 November, 2016
Obama is distraught when he finds he’s obliged to leave his legacy to Trump just because his will has been superseded by the will of the people.
The story starts here...

kerryman

 

 “What an absolutely unmitigated disaster” declared Obama “How the hell did Hillary stuff that up? Even Bernie could have beaten Trump”

“Not to mention me” claimed Biden

“Yes I suppose even that was possible” admitted Obama “but thanks to Hillary my Presidential legacy will be handed down to the Trump trash can”

“Well look” said Biden reassuringly “it’s true that Obamacare and food stamps won’t make it to 2018 but you can take heart from the certainty that your $20 trillion national debt will last for generations”

“That’s very reassuring Joe” said Obama gratefully “I’d hate to see all my great work over the past eight years go the same way as the Bush dynasty”

“I’m very worried about the Democratic Party” announced Biden “we could end up just like just another of those parties who claim they’ve been assaulted by Trump”

“I see what you mean” said Obama thoughtfully “any political party with Lady Gaga, Beyoncé, Springsteen and Michelle on their side but still gets beaten by Trump has not only been rocked but rolled as well”

“It could have made all the difference” asserted Biden “if Hillary had heeded my advice and secured the endorsement of the Kardashians”

“What about my legacy in foreign affairs?” asked Obama

“Interesting thought” commented Biden “I think we should check with Kerryman to see if you’ve got one”

A White House aide contacted Kerryman at the barber’s shop where he always found it so convenient to stay when he was in Washington.

“Now look here Kerryman” said Obama Presidentially when he fronted in the Oval Office “Hillary’s stuffed the election so it’s up to me to preserve as much of my legacy as I can before it’s consigned to the Trump trash can of history”

“Well I guess we’re all lame ducks” commented Kerryman “soon to become totally disabled”

“So how would you define my foreign affairs legacy” asked Obama “and its lasting bounty not just to the US but to the whole of mankind?”

“Let’s see” replied Kerryman analytically “I believe you can claim responsibility for reorientating the Middle East as a modern version of the Wild West but with a lot more cowboys”

“That’s exciting” responded Obama “because it means my legacy could be ranked alongside Wyatt Earp’s”

“Then there’s all the peace talks you’ve arranged between the Israelis and the Palestinians“ added Kerryman “they’ve become a lot less violent than they used to be”

“What about my nuclear deal with Iran?” asked Obama

“I think that will become known as” replied Kerryman “the new Persian Gulf”

 

 

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About this Series
The Kerryman series tracks the career of a remarkable man who manages to combine the onerous duties of US Secretary of State with the desperate need to prevent himself becoming overgrown with hair by getting it cut at least twice a day. This probably explains why his barber has a bigger influence on US foreign policy than Obama.

View all articles in the Kerryman – Secretary in a State Series
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