Offering a uniquely Australian perspective on the US Presidential election

All the Fun of the Unfair

All the Fun of the Unfair

Friday 19 August, 2016
Ged and Dave instruct Bill on how to interpret the Reserve Bank Governor’s advice that government debt needs to be urgently addressed through reduced spending.
The story starts here...

The ACTU Our Brother Bills Keeper heading

“The Governor of the Reserve Bank” said Bill “has warned that the economy will face a major crisis if the government doesn’t cut spending”

“What a load of absolute crap” pronounced Dave “it’s just another top-end-of-town strategy to save the government’s arse by cutting the living standards of working people”

“On the other hand” said Bill reasonably “there’s no question that the economy is suffering from structural problems which bear more than a passing resemblance to those that stuffed the Greek economy”

“Look Bill” said Ged earnestly “a Labor government would fix the economy overnight, we’d simply tell you by how much to increase taxes on business and the rich”

“But in the fair dinkum department” said Bill co-operatively ”that’s only part of the answer because if we screwed them all too hard they’d simply piss off overseas”

“Of course the last thing we want to do” explained Dave soothingly “is to appear in the slightest bit unreasonable but you have to understand the essence of the ACTU’s sophisticated long-term economic plan. We accept as inevitable that we’re going to face years of unfair and incompetent economic management under Coalition governments which will eventually root the economy”

“So our policy” said Ged confidently “is to procure the maximum amount of wage increases, penalty rates and entitlements for union members irrespective of the health of the economy so that when as a result of our demands the country eventually goes bust they’ll be in the best possible position”

“But aren’t you forgetting” queried Bill “that when the economy goes down it will take everybody with it including union members?”

“Our aim is to ensure that union members” explained Dave “don’t fall as far down the tubes as everyone else”

“I’m supremely confident” announced Bill “that when I become Prime Minister my inspirational economic policies will lead Australia out of the debt and deficit cycle”

“Get real Bill” said Ged “there’s no possibility of that happening given all the huge wage increases we’d instruct you to give our members as a reward for helping get you elected”

“But it’s critical” protested Bill “that as Leader of the Opposition I promote policies which benefit all Australians”

“Bill” said Dave patiently “just leave all the in-depth economic thinking to us.

You just concentrate on knocking off Malcolm so then we can ensure our members get all the unfair treatment they deserve”

Comments

About this Series
This series reveals the nature of the special relationship between the ACTU and Bill and in the event of him becoming Prime Minister how much power they’d be prepared to delegate to him.

View all articles in the The ACTU Our Brother Bills Keeper Series
Share with
Sign up for Mailing List

powered by MailChimp!

Advertisement

You may also like...

#AusPol winners and losers: Who sampled Elon’s musk?
An unexpected comment, rattled chains beyond the grave and a rather...
The malaphor: Making sense of Trump’s pack of idioms
One feudal figure known as Dave, the Malaphor King, has charted the...
TrumpFact: Tax return leak, Obama-watch allegations and healthcare
Welcome back to TrumpFact, a measure of the administration, sans...
The New Banners
Pauline urges Malcolm to ban terrorists from buying tickets to the...
The Fight For the Drinking Class Vote
Fred Plodge, the doyen of public bar politics in Australia, expresses...
The Remains of the EU’s Day
Pudding Club members discuss whether the future of Europe depends on...