Offering a uniquely Australian perspective on the US Presidential election

An Economic Recovery That’s Not Hard To Swallow

An Economic Recovery That’s Not Hard To Swallow

Friday 26 August, 2016
Fred Plodge outlines his simple but brilliant strategy for fixing the economy which came to him one day when he was looking through the bottom of a schooner.
The story starts here...

Public Bar Politics - a FridayMash satirical series

 

There’s absolutely no chance that Malcolm will fix the economy because with a one seat majority he can’t afford to do anything that’s even remotely unpopular.

Bill’s not going to fix it either because responsible economic management is not in Labor’s DNA. The key to his electoral success is increased spending which supposedly will somehow morph into a budget surplus.

Both parties rabbit on about their sacred duty not to leave diabolical debt to future generations while taking huge steps towards building a Greek-style economy in Australia’s green and pleasant land.

Only the Public Bar Party has the will and the policy to fix the Australian economy. That’s why it’s essential I get round to launching it before the next election.

Like all plans that bear the hallmark of genius it is brilliantly simple. Our policy is to cut the price of all alcoholic drinks in half. The benefits that would flow from this single measure are well worth sober consideration.

Nothing would cause Aussie spirits to soar like legislating half-price alcohol. For example it would encourage the cheapest national celebration in years.

As a result very few would subsequently take much notice when we took the mandatory next policy initiative of increasing all taxes and reducing all entitlements and handouts. The more you’re hammered the less you seem to notice that you’re getting a repeat dose.

Public bars would prosper from this policy because they would not only become the renewed focuses of social life but progressive political policy as well.

The last thing I want to do is give the impression that this policy is problem-free. I appreciate that it would necessitate adopting a new range of measures like increasing the maximum blood alcohol level for drivers to at least .06 to ease the extra workload on police and setting a maximum time limit on binge drinking of three days.

What Malcolm and Bill will never be able to grasp however is that once a government has reduced the price of all alcoholic products by 50% it would be virtually impossible for them to put a foot wrong after that. So repairing the budget would be as easy as shouting another round.

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About this Series
Fred Plodge is widely acclaimed as Australia’s premier pub commentator on politics and international affairs. Pub patrons throughout Sydney look to Fred as their most unfailingly reliable source of current affairs commentary. Fred’s insight seems to reach full potential after around six schooners and this has led to a feeling amongst patrons that by comparison the commentary from most politicians falls a few schooners short.

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