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Leaks from Tony’s Journal

An Unaffordable Bill

An Unaffordable Bill

Friday 28 August, 2015
These latest leaks from Tony’s Journal tend to reinforce the view that the person who dug up Bill Shorten for the Labor Party must have been a member of the miners’ union.
The story starts here...

Leaks from Tonys Journal

No-one could ever accuse me of misrepresenting my political opponents except possibly my political opponents.

I have to admit however that I have possibly understated Bill Shorten’s claims to the Dropkick of the Year Award.

He craps on interminably about creating jobs and then spares no effort whatsoever to throw ten thousand potential Adani workers, me, Bronnie, Dyson Heydon, Joe, and the power station workers out of a job.

His idea of gainful employment is unions planning industrial chaos, gay marriage counselling, business bashing and developing a free trade agreement with Tasmania.

In another dire threat to the Australian way of life he’s planning to swamp the Labor Party with women. If they’re anything like Julia, Penny Wong and Tanya Plibersek that’s the best news for the Coalition in years. I have referred the appalling sexist treatment of the First Bloke by the Labor Party to the Sex Discrimination Commissioner.

Like all ex-union leaders Bill believes that the way to economic prosperity is to let the ACTU dictate wages policy and increase corporate taxes to pay for it.

Furthermore his evidence to the Royal Commission revealed his belief that unions should be able to levy their own taxes on business directly.

Any sound measure guaranteed to boost the national economy like a GST increase, free trade agreements and legislation to institutionalise anybody who even dreams of introducing a GST are seen by Bill as a threat to the jobs of all those people employed by the Labor Party, the unions and the Greens to stop them happening.

It beggars belief that a tool-box like Bill has the temerity to trash the integrity of man of impeccable credentials like Dyson Heydon. Who does he think I should put in charge of a Royal Commission into the unions, Bob Hawke?

There is however one small ray of hope for Bill because he’s at least he’s admitted I was right all along about the asylum seeker boats. His pathway to credibility is clear. Now all he has to do is admit I was also right about knighting Prince Philip, terminating the carbon tax, setting up the Royal Commission into the unions, putting my mate Dyson in charge of running it and making Bronnie the Speaker.

That will give him a chance of claiming a modicum of the credibility enjoyed by politicians of my standing.

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About this Series
Tony Abbott writes a regular journal to record for posterity his innermost thoughts about the momentous daily events and decisions that are shaping the very future of Australia. However a confidential source in his office believes the journal is so politically explosive that it could go off before posterity happens so he’s decided to leak it exclusively to Friday Mash in the national interest.

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