Offering a uniquely Australian perspective on the US Presidential election

Australia in Union

Australia in Union

Friday 10 June, 2016
Ged and Dave tell Bill that his policy should be to run the country like a union despite the danger this could lead to a Royal Commission into Australia.
The story starts here...

The ACTU Our Brother Bills Keeper heading

“Now look Bill” said Ged “I think you’re losing focus on your primary mission in politics which is converting Australia into one big union”

“Hang on” protested Bill “if I become Prime Minister I am duty bound to act in the interests of all Australians”

“Let’s get something absolutely straight” said Dave meaningfully “as leader of the Labor Party your overriding responsibility is to raise the power of unionism, everything else is window-dressing”

“I just can’t ignore everything else” asserted Bill “because I’d never get elected”

“We realise that” said Ged “so that’s why we cut you a bit of slack. But you must keep in mind that we put you into the leadership gig to run the country on our behalf and create the sort of society that’s more than fair to our members”

“But I can’t ignore the needs of business completely” explained Bill “because we rely on them to produce the revenue that funds workers’ entitlements”

“Business can look after itself” pronounced Dave “with a bit of help from Panama and the British Virgin Islands”

“Ok” said Bill resignedly “so what do you want me to do?”

“You’ve got to start making it absolutely clear in your election campaign” said

Ged “that when you become PM you’ll run the country based on the AWU model”

“Are you sure about that?” asked Bill

“Absolutely” said Ged “in these uncertain times it will come as a great relief to people to feel they’re all being supported like union members”

“What specific policies” asked Bill “should I promote?”

“Well first and foremost” replied Dave “you must propose that all business contributes to union welfare and training programmes just like the scheme you set up at the AWU”

“It’s true that I was the pioneer” claimed Bill “of many of the progressive fund-raising schemes now practised by the CFMEU”

“And we believe every Australian” said Ged “should pay a union membershipfee whether they’re a member of a union or not in appreciation of our great contribution to society as a whole”

“And the ACTU” asserted Dave “should replace Fair Work Australia to prevent once and for all fair pay increases for workers being frittered away on profits and shareholder dividends”

“What about acting on the results of the Royal Commission into the unions?” asked Bill

“You can forget about that” said Ged “once the startling revelations from Royal Commission into the banks start coming out nobody will give the relatively trivial and isolated incidents at the CFMEU a second thought”


About this Series
This series reveals the nature of the special relationship between the ACTU and Bill and in the event of him becoming Prime Minister how much power they’d be prepared to delegate to him.

View all articles in the The ACTU Our Brother Bills Keeper Series
Share with
Sign up for Mailing List

powered by MailChimp!


You may also like...

Breaking Up Is Hard To Do
Pudding Club members consider whether Brexit will be a disruption...
Extremely Mixed Doubles
The case for modelling gay marriage on tennis...
Tanking With Tony
Friday Mash is pleased to be able to publish these left-wing leaks...
Not To Be Sniffed At
Following revelations from Prince Harry that no member of the Royal...
Theresa’s Last Stand
Pudding Club members believe that Theresa will hang on bravely until...
Coal-Fired Coalition
In this latest edition of her occasional series about life at the...