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Dick Head Interviews

Bad-Tasting Takeaway

Bad-Tasting Takeaway

Friday 16 September, 2016
Dick Head scored an exclusive interview with Sam Dastyari just before he got on a slow boat possibly to China. “So Sam” began Dick “why on earth did you get your Chinese mates to pay your bills?” “Well I detest Australian banks” replied Sam “so I use them as an alternative banking service. They provide […]
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Dick Head Reports on FridayMash
Dick Head scored an exclusive interview with Sam Dastyari just before he got on a slow boat possibly to China.

“So Sam” began Dick “why on earth did you get your Chinese mates to pay your bills?”

“Well I detest Australian banks” replied Sam “so I use them as an alternative banking service. They provide a wonderfully convenient service if I’m running short of cash”

“Do they expect anything in return?” asked Dick

“Of course not” replied Sam “they’re just philanthropists who invest in things that will benefit the community like me”

“But didn’t you” asked Dick “come out in favour of their land grab in the South China Sea?”

“Well I may have misspoke along those lines” replied Sam “but I frequently misspeak about most things because that’s one of the unfortunate habits you acquire as a politician”

“So why exactly did you resign?” asked Dick

“Well Bill spoke to me very very very seriously” replied Sam “and I sensed that most people perceived that I’d done something really dopey”

“Well hadn’t you?” demanded Dick

“Of course not” denied Sam vehemently “I was merely sacrificing myself in the cause of doing something dramatic to stop foreign donations to politicians. You just can’t compare what I did with say Bronnie’s helicopter trip”

“But the Chinese didn’t pay for that” pointed out Dick
“Of course they didn’t” responded Sam “they only fund the travel expenses of left-wing politicians who are going places”

“Why do you think Bill didn’t fire you?” asked Dick

“Possibly because I know” replied Sam knowingly “in which gardens all the old AWU bags of money are buried”

“Are you regarded in the Labor Party” asked Dick “as a future leader?”

“I wouldn’t say that” replied Sam “I think rather I’m earmarked as a future ambassador in Beijing”

“As a Muslim” asked Dick “do you see the campaign against you as racially motivated?”

“Quite the opposite” replied Sam “China doesn’t take in Muslim refugees but is prepared to deal with me. That means I’m actually promoting racial harmony”

“Will you be continuing your campaign against big business and the banks?” asked Dick

“I haven’t decided yet” responded Sam “first I’ve got to decide things like whether I should keep an account at the Bank of China”

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About this Series
Dick’s outstanding career in political journalism owes much to recent advances in psychiatric treatment. In his role as a leading Canberra correspondent Dick enjoys an especially close rapport with all the leading politicians and the loony left because he’s met them all at the treatment centre.

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