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A Hole Comments

It’s Better to Arrive Than Travel Hopelessly

It’s Better to Arrive Than Travel Hopelessly

Friday 10 October, 2014
In this brilliant analysis of urban transportation issues A Hole theorises that the day is fast approaching when commuting to CBDs during rush hour will only be possible for long distance runners and helicopter pilots.
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A Hole Comments on FridayMash

For some time I have been utterly fascinated by urban transportation policy. I have become convinced it is controlleded by a terrorist group dedicated to destroying the morale of the public through terminal chaos.

Traffic congestion in cities is enveloping us inexorably. The promise of super highways does nothing to assuage our frustrations and concerns because they’re always at least ten years away.

Toll charges for driving into cities seem to grow in sync with the traffic jams. By the time it takes all morning to drive to work we won’t be able to afford it.

It costs more to park cars in CBDs than it does to park the kids at daycare centres and they don’t have to be potted and fed.

If Clover Moore’s crazed concept of a cycle city of the future ever comes to fruition people driving cars will be treated like smokers and corralled into special compounds where limited carbon emitting is permitted.

Having finally been driven in frustration from your car is public transport the sensible alternative?

Urban public transport systems are carefully designed to ensure that as few people as possible live close to a bus or train station in order to ensure that as far as possible no-one gains an unfair advantage. All day parking close to the station is unaffordable, unavailable or unlawful. So to catch a bus or a train, you either have to take a bus or a train, or grab a lift, a taxi or a hitchhike.

Urban public transportation is strongly recommended for people who don’t give a stuff whether they’re late and don’t mind their personal space resembling the inside of a sardine can.

The NSW Government is planning to increase the number of passengers standing on trains as a safety measure to prevent geriatrics who have been severely crushed collapsing on to the floor.

It is obviously critical that the government ensures the commuting option of driving and public transport is kept in a sort agonising balance so neither gets overloaded by becoming more attractive than the other.

Urban planning experts are convinced that CBD commuters from Western Sydney and North Melbourne will soon find it easier to commute to Canberra.

The NSW Government has finally started to build the North-West Metro, a commuter rail service that was desperately needed even back in the 1980s. By the time it starts operating in the 2020s everyone will be working at home on their computer.


About this Series
As one of Australia’s leading social commentators A Hole is always conscious of the need to avoid making an arse of himself. His commentaries are frequently compared to the material on the walls of public toilets although they don’t remain in the public consciousness anything like as long.

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