Offering a uniquely Australian perspective on the US Presidential election

The Oracle Of Omniscience comes up with a brilliant initiative to assuage the grief of Abbott supporters.

Beyond All Understanding

Beyond All Understanding

Friday 29 April, 2016
Malcolm tackles the daunting problem of convincing the nation that he knows what he’s doing.
The story starts here...

Dial Triple O for Malcolm the Oracle

“I’m worried about Malcolm” said Barnaby

“Me too” agreed Scott

“He doesn’t seem to know what he’s doing” observed Barnaby

“We’re sunk in South Australia” said Scott “if the decision on the submarine contract doesn’t appear good on the surface”

“You must be having a hell of a time preparing the budget” opined Barnaby

“You’re not wrong” said Scott “Malcolm’s just ruled out an increase in the GST which he ruled in again only last week”

“His approval rating is still high” asserted Barnaby

“There’s no doubt that people like him as Prime Minister” said Scott “it’s just the way he runs the country that has them concerned”

“Well what the hell are we going to do?” asked Barnaby

“I know” exclaimed Scott “we should dial Triple O for Malcolm the Oracle Of Omniscience, he’ll know what to do”

Not ten minutes later Malcolm swept into Barnaby’s office with all the nonchalance so characteristic of know-alls.

“Look here Malcolm” said Barnaby “we’re worried that you think you know what you’re doing but if you thought about it you wouldn’t”

“The other way of looking at it” said Scott “is that you think you know what you’re doing but you shouldn’t be doing it”

“Give me a minute” said Malcolm “I’m just kick-starting my incomparable intellect and should have a solution in just ten seconds….yes here it is” “Well what is it?” demanded Barnaby

“I’ve just requested a review” said Malcolm “because you’re not going to believe what I’ve just come up with”

“For heaven’s sake” said Scott impatiently ‘just try us”

“What’s been happening” said Malcolm “is that my Omniscience has been producing ideas that are totally beyond the comprehension of anybody else”

“But how do you explain your thought bubble about the states raising their own taxes?” asked Barnaby

“Sheer genius” replied Malcolm “but the sad truth is that people with brain disabilities like Bill Shorten are unable to grasp that if the states raised their own taxes COAG meetings would become something more than impecunious premiers demanding money from me with menaces”

“But how” asked Barnaby “can you possibly communicate concepts of such extraordinary intellectual insight to ordinary Australian people and very ordinary Labor politicians?”

“Following extensive clinical testing” explained Malcolm “it’s been established that after two days of continuous binge drinking my intellectual capacity temporarily shrinks to the point that even Bill Shorten can understand what I’m saying”

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