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Bill’s Election Banker

Bill’s Election Banker

Friday 22 April, 2016
Guy the Friday Mash Superfly was on a wall in Bill’s office when Tanya and Albo came in for a policy development session. This is Guy’s exclusive account of their cathartic conversation.
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Guy the FridayMash Superfly

Malcolm’s honeymoon isn’t just over” said Tanya “he’s heading for a separation after the election”

“If we could come up with a killer policy” said Bill “I could knock him off just like Julia and Kevin

“I’ve got it” exclaimed Albo triumphantly “we should bash the banks. Everybody hates those bastards”

“Brilliant thinking” said Bill “and it’s given me a great idea”

“Are you sure?” asked Tanya “it could be just a thought bubble comprised of piss and wind”

“We should call for a Royal Commission into the banks” announced Bill

“I’m not sure about that” said Albo thoughtfully “The role of a Royal Commission is to enquire into murky manoeuvres like you and the AWU

“That was just Abbott pissing on me politically” said Bill “and I was completely exacerbated. What I’m talking about is scumbag organisations who not only take an unusual amount of interest in people’s money but from it as well”

“You’re right” exclaimed Tanya “and then there were those financial advisors who took so much commission for making a mess of their clients’ money they deserve a royal one as do the banks’ insurance arms that only provided cover for themselves”

“Do you think” asked Bill “we should extend the scope of the Royal Commission to investigate the financial affairs of Malcolm and Tony?”

“Absolutely” replied Tanya “it would be great to send Malcolm’s money train off the tracks and it’s about time somebody revealed what’s really up Tony’s budget smugglers”

“Wait a minute” said Albo “we’d be mad to bash the banks just as a get-square for the unions. We should set up a watch-dog like the ABCC. In fact if Malcolm gets the ABCC passed we should extend its powers to apply to banks”

“Look” said Bill decisively “if we promise to bash the banks we’ll get back into power in a landslide”

“What you have to keep in mind though Bill” said Albo “is that if the CFMEU goes to the sin bin no-one will give a tinker’s toss but if the banks get busted it could have a very serious effect on jobs and working families”

“Good point” said Bill “we should stipulate that the only bank employees that the Royal Commission can criticise are the bosses”


About this Series
Having stuck with a fly paper for many years Guy has become a celebrated political reporter through his unique ability to locate himself on the walls the prominent and powerful and listen in to their conversations. He is always careful to take with him a fly-spray early warning detector.

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