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The Oracle Of Omniscience comes up with a brilliant initiative to assuage the grief of Abbott supporters.

Blame it on Bill

Blame it on Bill

Friday 15 January, 2016
Malcolm comes up with a brilliant strategy to counter the sexism barbs from Penny Wong and Tanya Plibersek.
The story starts here...

Dial Triple O for Malcolm the Oracle

Scott Morrison and Christopher Pyne were just taking time out in a Canberra coffee bar for a chat.

“Poor old Jamie” said Scott “he’s taking a real slagging from Penny Wong over Hong Kong”

“I think she disagreed in principle” said Christopher “with the coalition development policy he was applying in a Hong Kong bar”

“And suddenly” said Scott “his only options for a future career in politics are becoming an independent pain-in-the-arse in the Senate or a right-wing pain-in-the-arse with Tony”

“It’s getting pretty desperate though” said Christopher “when Penny and Tanya can make sexist remarks about us with impunity but all we have to do is call them a couple of Fanny Adams feminists and we’d be burnt at the steak on an ABC cooking show”

“Tell you what” said Scott “we should dial Triple O for Malcolm the Oracle of Omniscience, he’ll know what to do”

Not ten minutes later Malcolm was sipping a chai latte with them.

“Look Malcolm it’s like this’ said Scott ‘Penny and Tanya can excoriate us all they like without being accused of sexism but if we so much as utter the mildest of reproaches were accused by them of being as morally bereft as Tony”

“Or even as dumb as Peter Dutton” said Christopher ‘Whatever are we going to do?”

“Do not despair” said Malcolm “my Omniscience is already in overdrive and will soon pluck another incredible insight from my intellect and yes here it comes. We should blame everything on Bill Shorten

“How do you mean?” asked Scott

“Simple” said Malcolm “If Penny calls you a Morrison misogynist you must respond by feeling sorry for her and commenting that it’s an absolute scandal such a worthy woman as her has been subverted into sleazebag sexist remarks by Bill”

“Oh I get it” said Christopher “we avoid the taint of sexism by blaming Penny and Tanya on Bill instead of on themselves”

“But what if Penny and Tanya castigate Peter Dutton for sending an email to a female journalist calling her ‘a f..king witch’?” asked Scott

“You simply say that he re-sent one of Bill’s old emails by mistake” replied Malcolm “which had been sent to him by mistake by Bill”

“And what if they accuse me” asked Christopher “of telling a lady in Hong Kong that she has ‘piercing eyes’?”

“No problem” replied Malcolm ‘you simply claim you mistook her for Julie Bishop”


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