The Pudding Club Pontifications

Lord Noes, General Alarm and Sir Rah Sera celebrated the onset of Summer with a Club luncheon comprising a smoked salmon salad and a most agreeable Kim Crawford Sauvignon Blanc from the Marlborough region of New Zealand.

“I say” said His Lordship “this referendum business is causing all sorts of rumblings in our party room. David is getting quite concerned”

“Some are even speculating it will cause a permanent rift in the Conservative Party” commented Sir Rah “with the Leave supporters remaining and the Remain supporters leaving”

“Damned good thing too if you ask me” opined the General “then the Leave supporters remaining can elect Boris as PM and form an alliance with UKIP and the only future contact we’ll have with continental clowns will be in a circus”

“I’m damned if I know what advice I should give to David” said His Lordship

“Tell him goodbye to Scotland and Gibraltar if he doesn’t pull his finger out” suggested Sir Rah

“These boatloads of confounded refugees coming from the continent represent nothing less than an invasion of our sovereign territory” asserted the General “I’ve a good mind to take a division down there to stop them converting Dover into a caliphate”

“On the other hand” said His Lordship “they’re an absolute godsend for Boris and Nigel”

“Those Aussies have got it right” affirmed the General “I was talking to Nigel only the other day about how they’ve taken back control of their borders”

“How interesting” said Sir Rah

“They intercept people smuggler boats on the high seas” said the General “and provide the refugees with a return journey to Indonesia absolutely free of charge”

“But Brussels wouldn’t allow us to do that” remarked Sir Rah

“That’s the whole bloody point” emphasised the General “if we get rid of those useless wankers in Brussels we can do what we bloody-well like including the arrest of any toe-rag terrorists attempting to cross the Channel on pedalos”

“But just think” cautioned Sir Rah “about the economic threat to this country if we quit the EU”

“Well” responded the General “if that means we only become as prosperous as Switzerland bring it on”

“I’m dreadfully worried about what’s going to happen to David and indeed the Conservative Party” lamented His Lordship

“I understand David’s affinity with the EU” said the General “so next time I’m speaking to Boris I’ll suggest that as PM he should appoint David to go over to the EU parliament to assist with the shutdown and collect our share of the furniture”

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