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The Pudding Club Pontifications

Breaking Up Is Hard To Do

Breaking Up Is Hard To Do

Friday 1 September, 2017
Pudding Club members consider whether Brexit will be a disruption that offers as many benefits as Uber and Airbnb.
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Pudding Club members consider whether Brexit will be a disruption that offers as many benefits as Uber and Airbnb.

Lord Noes, General Alarm and Sir Rah Sera lunched at the Club last week on Duck a L’Orange absolutely swimming in the most mellifluous Puligny Montrachet they’d ever tasted.

“I say” remarked His Lordship “have you heard anything about how the Brexit negotiations are going?”

“We’re not out of the EU yet” advised the General “and that Davis cove seems to be in Brussels on his Summer holidays”

“It looks like the EU has the upper hand in negotiations so far” explained Sir Rah “they’ve insisted that the divorce terms have to be settled first before the trade alimony is sorted out”

“Those continentals can be so damned unreasonable” complained the General “but I guess that’s only to be expected in countries where no-one in government has been to Eton or served in the Guards”

“I was talking to Scabby Morris the other day” revealed His Lordship “you know the chappie who got VD in the army”

“Don’t you mean VC?” queried the General

“No I mean venereal disease” confirmed His Lordship “you know he married the Hon. Dorothy somebody or other who couldn’t afford to be too fussy. Well Scabby reckons that we’re easing back at the negotiating table with a view to possibly staying in”

“That would be an absolute abomination” roared the General “wholly in contempt of the democratic process”
“I think perhaps” interposed Sir Rah “Theresa has realised that free trade agreements with Australia and New Zealand hardly replace the EU and a free trade agreement with Trump would be like buying a second hand car without a pre-inspection by the AA”

“I have an uneasy feeling” confessed His Lordship “that Brexit is going to end up as big a disaster as my divorce. You lose a part of you that you can never get back and it’s all money”

“Well if it was me” asserted the General “I’d tell Barnier, Juncker and Co to go and get stuffed. Not satisfied with trying to make us pay the whole divorce bill they want to leave us so broke that we won’t be able to enjoy being single again”

“My feeling is” said His Lordship thoughtfully “that two years from now we’ll still be a member of the EU in a sort of loveless marriage but getting a bit on the side from China, India and Australia”

“Surely General” commented Sir Rah “you will never lose your affection for a bit on the side from the over the Channel”

“That’s true” admitted the General “and I reminded Theresa only last week that guaranteed free access to it must be a mandatory part of any Brexit agreement”

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About this Series
Located on the fashionable side of Pall Mall the Club is famous for counting some of the UK’s greatest political intellects among its members. Lord Noes, General Alarm and Sir Rah Sera convene there regularly to create the brilliant insights which David relies on so much to keep the ship of state on course.

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