Offering a uniquely Australian perspective on the US Presidential election

Budget or Bodge It

Budget or Bodge It

Friday 15 May, 2015
Jacqui Lambie toys with the idea of taking a responsible attitude to the budget but realises it could seriously undermine her political integrity.
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Jacqui Lambie Think Tank masthead

Last week Jacqui called an emergency meeting of the Think Tank. Nazel Hare, Randy Mayle and Prof Penny Wise raced to Glad’s Tea Rooms at short notice and were soon tucking into stacks of vegemite sandwiches and chips.

“Listen” said Jacqui “I’ve been thinking I should take a responsible attitude to the budget”
Think Tank members were in instant shock.

“You mean you’re thinking of supporting Abbott?” asked a visibly shaken Nazel

“Well not exactly” replied Jacqui “I’m thinking rather of my responsibility to Aussie. The economy is in such a shit state that it’s come within my area of expertise”

“You mean” said Penny “you actually intend to vote on the budget based on sound economic values rather than your innate hatred of Abbott”

“Something like that” said Jacqui ‘and I feel a bit sorry for Joe as well because I get the feeling that he and I are intellectual soulmates when it comes to the economy”

“Let’s get this straight” said Randy “you’re going to vote for a budget which is designed to save Abbott’s arse rather than Nazel’s or mine”

“Look” said Jacqui “somebody’s got to do something to save the country. Clive seems determined it should end up the same way as his Coolum Resort and it seems that budget surpluses are the only threatened species that the Greens don’t give a rat’s arse about”

“But think of the embarrassment” said Nazel “if your vote is decisive in getting the budget passed in the Senate and keeps Abbott at the Lodge”

“That’s a fair point” admitted Jacqui “but Abbott might reward me with a junior ministry in the next reshuffle and I’ll be on my way to realising my destiny of the prime ministership”

“What has led you to the conclusion” asked Penny “that saving the economy should take precedence over arseholing Abbott?”

“Well it suddenly struck me” replied Jacqui “that Tasmania hasn’t got an economy and if the rest of Australia didn’t have one either there wouldn’t be any GST left for us to bludge and the only option left would be a deal with James Packer to build the new Las Vegas in Tasmania’s green and carbon neutral land”

“I think this marks your maturity as a politician of standing” said Randy “In years to come they’ll speak of in the same awed tones as Julia and Kevin”

“But what you have to remember” said Nazel “is if ever Abbott was stupid enough to praise your statesmanlike qualities that would instantly spell the end for both of you”

“Nazel you’re absolutely right” said Jacqui “I must’ve had a brain explosion. Ok everybody it’s budget busting season again”

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About this Series
Friday Mash has gained exclusive access to the intellectual powerhouse behind the Lambie political phenomenon. Jacqui has assembled a Think Tank comprising the best minds in Tasmania. Nazel Hare is Jacqui’s campaign manager and President of the Lambie for PM Movement, Randy Mayle is the leader of the Tasmanics a star-studded group of star studs and Professor Penny Wise is the Head of Business Studies at Burnie University. The Think Tank meets regularly at Glad’s Tea Rooms just outside Launceston and Friday Mash will bring you regular reports of their intellectual discourse.

View all articles in the The Lambie Think Tank Series
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