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A Budget Surplus Of Malcolm

A Budget Surplus Of Malcolm

Friday 8 April, 2016
Guy the Friday Mash Superfly was on a wall in Malcolm’s office when Scott came in to discuss the budget. Here are the first official budget leaks of the year in Guy’s exclusive account of their discussion.
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Guy the FridayMash Superfly

“Now Scott’ said Malcolm “I hope you’re absolutely clear about Budget Day being 3rd May, although if the Senate votes to pass the ABCC I’ll probably move it back to the 10th unless I have a brilliant economic inspiration on the 9th in which case I’ll move it to the 17th”

“Unlike the last time “said Scott “please ensure you keep me updated on any changes to budget timing because I’d hate to miss it due to a prior engagement”

“What you have to understand” said Malcolm “is that we operate in a dynamic environment. I’m having breakthrough ideas on tax reform and economic development on a daily basis and you have to be ready to react to them at a moment’s notice before Tony can have the temerity claim they’re a continuation of his policies”

“The trouble is” explained Scott “the more you project these thought bubbles into the public debate the more of a soap opera the whole thing becomes”

“What the public has to understand” said Malcolm “is that even an economic genius like me can’t transform the economy overnight. I’ve had two brilliant ideas on the GST, first to increase it and then not to. Then I had another about superannuation and negative gearing and I’m feeling yet another coming on about the states collecting income tax”

“But I can’t run an orderly budget development process” commented Scott “if you keep on having brilliant ideas which have a shelf-life of about two days and I never get to hear about them”

“Oh by the way” said Malcolm “I forgot to tell you that I’ve already announced the idea about states collecting income tax”

“How the hell is that going to work?” demanded Scott

“Don’t worry about it” replied Malcolm “because they’ve already rejected the whole idea”

“Look Malcolm” said Scott testily “I’ve got a budget coming up on the 3rd, 10th or 17th May and I’m still not sure whether I’m going increase the GST and the tax on super, decrease company tax or step aside and allow Joe to confirm a continuation of Tony’s policies by repeating last year’s budget”

“There’s never been a more exciting time to prepare a budget” said Malcolm

“By the way if I have a brilliant new idea while you’re presenting the budget I’ll try to ensure that my thought bubble floats towards the backbench so as not to be too much of a distraction for you”

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About this Series
Having stuck with a fly paper for many years Guy has become a celebrated political reporter through his unique ability to locate himself on the walls the prominent and powerful and listen in to their conversations. He is always careful to take with him a fly-spray early warning detector.

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