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Dick Head Interviews

Budgeting for Beginners

Budgeting for Beginners

Friday 13 May, 2016
Dick and the Treasurer discuss whether the budget will actually have any effect on the economy.
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Dick Head Reports on FridayMash

The Dick Head Interview

With Scott Morrison

“Now then Scott” said Dick “would it be fair to say that your first budget is a non-event?”

“It would be fair to say that this budget is absolutely fair” replied Scott

“Does that mean it strikes the right balance between doing something and doing nothing?” asked Dick

“What I mean” replied Scott “is that it’s a fair balance between really sensible measures like increasing the GST and introducing doctor co-payments and really irresponsible measures like borrowing more money to give away to bludgers”

“Do you believe” asked Dick “the budget will enhance your chances of winning the election?”

“Without a doubt” responded Scott “because so many people were relieved that it didn’t comprise the really sensible measures desperately needed to put the economy back on a sound footing”

“What was your core objective with this budget? asked Dick

“To provoke the Labor Party into revealing their comprehensive economic plan for the country” replied Scott “and let’s face it that’s enough to scare anyone witless and it could even persuade Moody’s to downgrade the country’s Triple A rating as a precautionary measure”

“Tell me Scott” said Dick “if you win the election are you guaranteeing to deliver all the promises you made in the budget?”

“Well of course not” replied Scott “because some of the promises I made won’t come into effect for ten years and obviously they wouldn’t happen if Tony’s back in power by then. The remainder will be thrown out by the Senate”

“Have you enjoyed the experience” asked Dick “of cobbling together your first budget?”

“It’s been so incredibly fulfilling” replied Scott “Actually Malcolm and the Treasury did most of the work and all I’ve had to do is check their arithmetic and prevent them including any braindead ideas like promising a surplus”

“In summary then” said Dick “do you believe there’s a chance your budget will have a significant effect on anything at all?”

“The budget is not so much designed to have an effect on anything” replied Scott “but rather it is designed just to keep things jogging along while we keep our fingers crossed that the things that could have a critical effect on the economy like Greece going bust, China buying their iron ore from someone else and more of Clive’s businesses going bust all happen under a Labor government”


About this Series
Dick’s outstanding career in political journalism owes much to recent advances in psychiatric treatment. In his role as a leading Canberra correspondent Dick enjoys an especially close rapport with all the leading politicians and the loony left because he’s met them all at the treatment centre.

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