Offering a uniquely Australian perspective on the US Presidential election

Chinese Checkers

Chinese Checkers

Friday 23 September, 2016
Ged and Dave counsel Bill on the Dastyari affair and tell him that Sam’s future should be in the union movement because if he’s that adept at getting money out of the Chinese he’d be an expert at extracting it from employers. “Bill what I can’t understand” remarked Dave “is why you didn’t fire Sam […]
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The ACTU Our Brother Bills Keeper headingGed and Dave counsel Bill on the Dastyari affair and tell him that Sam’s future should be in the union movement because if he’s that adept at getting money out of the Chinese he’d be an expert at extracting it from employers.

“Bill what I can’t understand” remarked Dave “is why you didn’t fire Sam before the shit hit the fan because that resulted in a very spotty week for Labor”

“Sam’s a member of the NSW Right” explained Bill “and if I upset them my chances of leading a united party would be less than Malcom’s”

“We’re concerned” said Ged showing obvious concern “that you made an absolute goose of yourself by not firing him. You looked weak, vacillating and showed every indication you were waiting for instructions either from Beijing or us”

“Hold on a minute” said Bill soothingly “Sam’s a top campaigner who’s got right up the banks. I don’t think Malcolm’s realised it yet but if Sam had been allowed to continue his campaign against the banks for much longer they’d have pleaded for a Royal Commission instead”

“What you have failed to realise Bill” opined Dave “is that Sam was using the Chinese as his personal ATM and it was full of cash for comment”

“Look” admitted Bill “Sam is prone to mis-speak but on the whole I’ve found that to be one of his strong points”

“It’s rather a question of applying sound political judgment” insisted Dave “we have Chinese businessmen popping in here all the time offering to pay for things. Only last week I turned down an offer to pay for the CFMEU Christmas Party”

“I see that you were talking about Sam making an early return to the shadow ministry” said Ged “what did you have in mind for him?”

Well ideally” replied Bill “I would like him to resume where he left off. He’s absolutely brilliant at bashing business and we always sent him to get the Chinese takeaway because he usually got it free of charge”

“Look Bill” said Ged “here’s what you should do, wait to see whether Sam’s name comes up in any of the current legal proceedings against members of the NSW Right or whether he’s recently sold an island in the South China Sea. If that all checks out and we find he hasn’t got an account at the Bank of China branch in the Cayman Islands then you can make him Shadow Industrial Relations Minister”

“Why on earth should I do that?” asked Bill

“We’d find it a tremendous advantage” responded Dave “to have someone in that position who could mis-speak so diligently on our behalf

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About this Series
This series reveals the nature of the special relationship between the ACTU and Bill and in the event of him becoming Prime Minister how much power they’d be prepared to delegate to him.

View all articles in the The ACTU Our Brother Bills Keeper Series
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