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Dirty Deeds of
Jacqui and Clive

Clive Becomes the First Non-Senator to set up a Senate Inquiry

Clive Becomes the First Non-Senator to set up a Senate Inquiry

Friday 10 October, 2014
Read how Clive managed to persuade the Greens and the Labor Party to support a Senate Inquiry into Campbell Newman because he’s been so beastly to him.
The story starts here...

Adventures of Jacqui Lambie and Clive Palmer on FridayMash

‘I’m going to fix Campbell Newman’ said Clive ‘even if I have to get into bed with Christine Milne to do it’

‘I don’t fancy her or Newman’ said Jacqui

‘I poured squillions into his party’s pockets’ said Clive ‘and what do I get in return, no mine, no railway, no port, not even an offer to step aside if I want his job’

‘Ungrateful bastard’ commented Jacqui

‘If it hadn’t been for him’ said Clive ‘I could have been a multi-multi-billionaire by now and a shoo-in for the next Governor General’

‘We should go and raid his offices’ said Jacqui ‘and torture him until he allows you to pollute the Barrier Reef’

‘Jacqui’ said Clive ‘you’ve still got a disturbing tendency to resort to violence. As politicians it’s our responsibility to screw people politically’

‘Well if that doesn’t work’ said Jacqui ‘it’s always reassuring to have grievous bodily harm as a back-up’

Clive decided the next step in this endeavour was to call a meeting with Penny and Christine the leaders of Labor and the Greens in the Senate.

‘Look’ he said ‘I want you to agree to a Senate Inquiry into Campbell Newman because I can’t stand the snivelling little sleazebag’

‘Are you sure’ asked Penny ‘it’s not because he refused to let you convert Queensland into a mining metropolis?’

‘Campbell’s an environmental hero’ said Christine ‘because he saved Queensland from your catastrophic carbonation’

‘He’s a backsliding blowhard’ said Clive ‘who took my donations and then refused to give me the opportunity to become as rich as Gina Rinehart. It’s all so unfair’

‘Senate Inquiries’ said Penny ‘must embrace the very highest standards of propriety. Witch-hunts should be left to the Wonderful Wizard of Oz’

‘The evidence against him is overwhelming’ said Clive ‘he diabolically dissected your Labor mob in Queensland and he’s planning to develop the whole state as a Greater Surfers Paradise’

‘That’s would be a disaster’ said Christine ‘It could destroy the cane-toad habitat’

‘There would only be one Coalition Senator on the Inquiry’ said Clive ‘so no-one would be able to prevent us writing a report that would slag Newman mercilessly and then we’d release it just before the next Queensland state election to emasculate his majority’

‘That’s quite persuasive’ said Penny ‘providing the highest ethical standards are observed’

‘That’s a given’ said Clive ‘when you’re eradicating something as unethical as Newman’


About this Series
This daring duo continue to carry out a series of daring raids and hold-ups on their political opponents. Clive is the brains behind this rip-roaring rampage as well as supplying the money and adding weight to its operations. Jacqui adds a certain je ne sais quoi but nobody knows what it is.

View all articles in the Misadventures of Jacqui and Clive Series
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