Offering a uniquely Australian perspective on the US Presidential election

Comeback Reversal

Comeback Reversal

Friday 22 April, 2016
Abbott and Julie discuss whether revenge would be sweet if it resulted in his comeback as Prime Minister.
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Abbott the Avenger on FridayMash

“Hi Tony what are you up to?” asked Julie when she met up with him jogging round Lake Burley Griffin

“I’m considering doing some avenging” replied Abbott

“Oh come on” said Julie “surely you’re not still pissed with Malcolm”

“You bet I am” responded Abbott with feeling “There I was a PM elected and beloved by the whole country and then along comes Malcolm with the backing of a few silvertails from the Eastern Suburbs and his mates at the ABC and deprives me of my rightful democratic destiny”

“Get real” said Julie “you had as much chance of leading the Coalition to victory at the next election as George Pell has of becoming the next Pope”

“But Malcolm’s stuffing up big time” said Abbott “if it wasn’t for my policies he’d be nothing but a rich man’s Bill Shorten”

“My advice” said Julie thoughtfully “is to go away and write a book about the affair you didn’t have with Peta Credlin and leave any vengeful thoughts till after the election”

“But if Malcolm wins with a huge majority” protested Abbott “he’ll be so popular that my avenging will have to be put on hold for years. I should strike now before he tries to nail the economy with tintacks”

“You wouldn’t have a prayer” said Julie “the public don’t want you, the Coalition parliamentary party don’t want you and I don’t want to be your deputy again”

“But we were such a great team” protested Abbott

“The trouble was” said Julie “you were the only one who got on well with the team coach. Peta may have been a good tactician but she kept trying to come on as a substitute for me”

“I see Cory Bernardi is thinking of launching a Conservative Party” said Abbott

“I think it’s got a very good chance of flying”

“It’s got about as much chance of flying as Clive’s squadron of executive jets” responded Julie “If you carry on with this asinine avenging business you’ll end up like Kevin at a meeting of the Julia Gillard Appreciation Society”

“But I’ve been terribly wronged” said Abbott “and it’s only fair I avenge myself against Malcolm”

“Look I understand that feeling” said Julie “it’s rather the prospect of you coming back as Prime Minister that’s the problem”


About this Series
Abbott is on the outer studying the Gospel according to Kevin on how to wreak vengeance upon a Prime Minister who has spilt you to the backbench. He lurks in the shadows with his disciples desperately trying to figure out how to seize back The Lodge despite the having a preferred Prime Minister ranking slightly below that of a CFMEU activist.

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