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Dear Minister Letters

A Cool Change Climatewise

A Cool Change Climatewise

Friday 31 October, 2014
Cec Poole writes to Bill Shorten to ensure he understands that Climate Change has been replaced by Climate Staying the Same.
The story starts here...

Dear Minister on Friday Mash

Hon. Bill Shorten,
Parliament House,
Canberra

Dear Shadow Prime Minister,

What the bloody hell’s going on in the Labor Party? Have you all gone deleteriously demented? I’ve just heard the mind-numbing news that you’re going to take a carbon pricing policy to the next election.

Let me say Bill that this is a world first. Never before has an opposition leader given up all hope of winning the next election two years in advance. My mind is still striving to cope with the brain-pulping proposition that you are following Kevin and Julia over the policy precipice of no return.

May I draw a few salient points to your attention.

First of all Kevin threatened the world with an ETS but got chopped back to Australia in Copenhagen. Julia then told him to shove it altogether and stabbed him out of his misery.

Having promised to do nothing like as seriously stupid as Kevin she was then seduced by Bob Brown into believing that a huge increase in electricity costs was a small price to pay for the privilege of having her as prime minister. Most people disagreed strongly especially Kevin.

You just don’t seem to be able to grasp the point that climate change has been a non-event for the past seventeen years and there’s more ice round the Antarctic than ever. I know the CSIRO still reckons there’s been an increase in temperature but their thermometers are obviously long overdue for a service.

Seriously Bill in the fair dinkum department it’s time you gave this climate change crap a rest and concentrated more on stuff that’s going to win you votes like Hockey’s braindead budget. I mean just look what’s happened to Tim Flannery.

If you want my view I think Clive has got the right idea.

By all means support the introduction of an ETS but stress the point that you wouldn’t be barmy enough to introduce one before Chaina. That should see you through safely to 2050 at least.

I have an uneasy feeling you’ve been talking to that mad woman Milne. It would be absolute madness to allow your policy direction to be influenced by that anarchic arborist.

You’ll be delighted to learn that I’ve put my name forward again for Labor pre-selection for the seat of South Yarra. This time I feel I’m in with a chance of getting the nod but I’d have buckleys of winning the seat on a platform of putting up electricity prices again after Abbott’s just reduced them.

Bill it’s time to concentrate all your wind power into anti-Abbott emissions because it’s crucial for Australia that his power is not renewable at the next election.

Courage Comrade

Cec Poole

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About this Series
Friday Mash publishes exclusively the letters written by Cec Poole to Ministers because he makes such a nuisance of himself if we don’t. The ministers never reply to Cec because it only encourages him. He has failed thirty-three times to win pre-selection for a seat in the House of Representatives and is on course to become the national record-holder in this field of endeavour.

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