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Leaks from Tony’s Journal

Credlin Confidential

Credlin Confidential

Friday 27 February, 2015
In this latest series of compelling leaks Tony explains what it’s like to be PM when most people are convinced he’s no better at it than either Kevin or Julia.
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Leaks from Tonys Journal

I’ve had a terrible week with Peta. The trouble is she doesn’t react well to criticism.

After I banned her from cabinet meetings I told her to knight Philip Ruddock and send a cheerio to Prince Philip. Her reaction was particularly obtuse and vindictive.

It’s difficult to know what to do. I can’t fire her because she knows where all the skeletons and slush funds are buried and I can’t move her sideways because Julie is doing such a good job as Foreign Secretary.

In view of the fact it’s virtually impossible to get past her into my office Malcolm suggested she be put in charge of Operation Sovereign Borders.

I’m struggling to achieve an effective balance between being collegial and consultative and knighting as many people as possible like Prince Philip who believe in a constitutional monarchy because that really gets up Malcolm’s nose.

I’m getting tons of gratuitous advice about firing Joe and Peta and replacing them with Malcolm but I doubt whether he could manage both jobs. He might be ok as Treasurer but there’s no way he could run the country as effectively as Peta.

It’s true that Joe is a bit of a worry. There is absolutely no chance he’ll ever deliver a budget surplus, become prime minister or convince people that the horrendous debt crisis is serious but if those are sackable offences no-one in the government is safe not even me.

Malcolm asked me the other day what it feels like to be so universally unpopular. Well the truth is I don’t know because I only mix with people like Bronnie and Alan Jones who think I’m doing an extraordinary job. It’s true I’m forced to come into regular contact with the Labor Party and the ABC but of course nothing they say on the subject has the slightest relevance.

Philip Ruddock told me that I was about as popular amongst backbenchers as Clive would have been at Campbell Newman’s farewell party but Malcolm’s popularity among them reminds me of an ASADA official at Essendon.

I still have Peta’s unequivocal support to stay on as PM so everyone else’s opinion while interesting doesn’t carry quite the same weight.

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About this Series
Tony Abbott writes a regular journal to record for posterity his innermost thoughts about the momentous daily events and decisions that are shaping the very future of Australia. However a confidential source in his office believes the journal is so politically explosive that it could go off before posterity happens so he’s decided to leak it exclusively to Friday Mash in the national interest.

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