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Desperately Saving Jacqui

Desperately Saving Jacqui

Friday 1 April, 2016
Jacqui & the Think Tank discuss whether she should be blackmailed by Malcolm into voting for the ABCC or red-carded by him in a double dissolution election.
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Nazel Hare, Randy Mayle and Prof. Penny Wise were summoned by Jacqui to yet another emergency Think Tank meeting at Glad’s Tea Rooms on the absolute assurance that Glad’s celebrated Toad-in-the Hole with chips would be served.

“It’s a case of bare-faced blackmail” declared Jacqui “Malcolm has threatened that unless I vote for the ABCC he’ll call a double dissolution. That means without Clive’s millions and the reality that there are thousands of short-sighted shitbags round here who won’t vote for me I’m likely to lose my seat and my arse as well”

“That’s gratitude for you” said Nazel “after all the help you gave Malcolm to dump Tony. I reckon the trouble is he fancies you”

“Well he’s got a bloody strange way of showing it” commented Jacqui “The critical question we have to address is whether I should save my seat by voting for the ABCC or save my moral authority by voting against it”

“Look” said Randy “I’d save your seat if I were you. If you save your moral authority you’re still only going to have about as much as George Pell”

“The real question is” said Penny authoritatively “would you vote for the ABCC anyway?”

“Well I might” replied Jacqui “but I don’t want to be seen to be put over a barrel by Malcolm”

“That’s understandable” said Randy “because when I publish a modernised version of the Kama Sutra that won’t figure in my top 100 positions”

“Look Jacqui” said Nazel “you’ve got your career to think about and Tassie needs you in Canberra. You’ll be our only credible parliamentary representative up there if the climate doesn’t change”

“So what should I do” asked Jacqui “vote for the ABCC and be seen as Malcolm’s roadkill or vote against it and never be seen again?”

“My advice” said Randy “is to approach Malcolm and tell him that based on your experience in the military police and the reality that the legislation is going to happen anyway you are the obvious choice to become head of the ABCC”

“I’d vote for the ABCC if I were you” said Nazel “or else the double dissolution will become a triple by dissolving the Jacqui Lambie Network”

“I’d negotiate” said Penny thoughtfully “by telling Malcolm you’ll vote for the ABCC provided he increases the GST and gives Tassie a good slice of the extra take”

“Brilliant thinking” exclaimed Jacqui “and I’ll promise not to do anything to disrupt his election campaign just like Tony”

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About this Series
Friday Mash has gained exclusive access to the intellectual powerhouse behind the Lambie political phenomenon. Jacqui has assembled a Think Tank comprising the best minds in Tasmania. Nazel Hare is Jacqui’s campaign manager and President of the Lambie for PM Movement, Randy Mayle is the leader of the Tasmanics a star-studded group of star studs and Professor Penny Wise is the Head of Business Studies at Burnie University. The Think Tank meets regularly at Glad’s Tea Rooms just outside Launceston and Friday Mash will bring you regular reports of their intellectual discourse.

View all articles in the The Lambie Think Tank Series
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