Offering a uniquely Australian perspective on the US Presidential election

Desperately Saving Tassie

Desperately Saving Tassie

Friday 23 January, 2015
Friday Mash has gained exclusive access to the intellectual powerhouse behind the Lambie political phenomenon. Jacqui has assembled a Think Tank comprising the best minds in Tasmania. Nazel Hare is Jacqui’s campaign manager and President of the Lambie for PM Movement, Randy Mayle is the leader of the Tasmanics a star-studded group of star studs and Professor Penny Wise is the Head of Business Studies at Burnie University. The Think Tank meets regularly at Glad’s Tea Rooms just outside Launceston and Friday Mash will bring you regular reports of their intellectual discourse.
The story starts here...

Jacqui Lambie Think Tank masthead

‘The purpose of today’s meeting’ said Jacqui ‘is to formulate the Lambie policy in response to any moves by that abomination Abbott to cut GST funding to Tassie and force us to live on the slim pickings we generate ourselves’

‘It’s an absolute disgrace’ said Nazel ‘how can Tassie be the world’s number one wilderness if we’re expected to support ourselves’

‘A friend of mine has recently taken a job as a gigolo’ said Randy ‘and things are so bad that most of his clients are trying to claim him as an entitlement at Centrelink’

‘There’s no doubt’ said Penny ‘that the Greens impact on business in Tasmania has been similar to the impact of Clive on Tony’s budget’

‘What I’ve got to prevent at all costs’ said Jacqui ‘is that asinine Abbott kicking Tassie in the cobblers by transferring back to his mates in NSW, Queensland and WA all the GST that’s been transferred to us’

‘That’s the stuff Jacqui’ said Nazel ‘you tell the bastard. Why should we be handicapped because mother Milne is so delusional she thinks she can wave her wand and green jobs will magically appear in the enchanted forest?’

‘It’s such a shame’ said Randy ‘I might even fancy her if she was a bit more grunge’

‘What we have to consider’ said Penny ‘is that Abbott might increase the GST to 15% and apply it to a greater range of items’

‘It would be an absolute bloody outrage’ expostulated Nazel ‘if he increased the GST in Tassie to pay for more handouts to his mates’

‘Well you know how I feel about Abbott’ said Jacqui

‘It’s obvious’ said Randy ‘that you fancy him like mad, but politics prevents you indulging your passion’

‘I can’t stand the sexless sleazebag’ said Jacqui ‘Now I come to think about it I don’t even fancy him as much as Clive although he’s probably sexier in budgie smugglers’

‘Look’ said Penny ‘I believe there’s real potential for you in a policy that demands Tassie GST should at least remain consistent but at the same time requires Abbott to come up with special incentives to encourage local business to restart the economy’

‘Interesting thought Pen’ said Jacqui ‘did you have anything specific in mind?’

‘Yes’ replied Penny ‘he should force Christine Milne and Bob Brown to go and live somewhere else’

Comments

About this Series
Friday Mash has gained exclusive access to the intellectual powerhouse behind the Lambie political phenomenon. Jacqui has assembled a Think Tank comprising the best minds in Tasmania. Nazel Hare is Jacqui’s campaign manager and President of the Lambie for PM Movement, Randy Mayle is the leader of the Tasmanics a star-studded group of star studs and Professor Penny Wise is the Head of Business Studies at Burnie University. The Think Tank meets regularly at Glad’s Tea Rooms just outside Launceston and Friday Mash will bring you regular reports of their intellectual discourse.

View all articles in the The Lambie Think Tank Series
Share with
Sign up for Mailing List

powered by MailChimp!

Advertisement

You may also like...

#AusPol winners and losers: I (18) see you baby, shaking that…
Well, much like Highlander, there could only be one… One #AusPol...
Et tu, Ivanka? Will she save Trump from himself?
With Ivanka having the ear of the President, I do not believe we...
The Weak In Politics
Heard in the Coalition caucus “I see Sally McManus thinks that the...
One Law For Some None For Others
Sally McManus, the new Secretary of the ACTU, explains to Bill why...
Pushing The Boundaries
Trump and his team discuss the need to redraw the world’s...
Soft Shoe Reshuffle
Malcolm and Lucy discuss prospects for a reshuffle and what to do...