Dick Head Interviews
The Dick Head Predictions for 2015
Friday 2 January, 2015
The major political parties never finalise their plans for the upcoming year before they’ve read the predictions of our sagacious Canberra correspondent
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Dick Head Special Report
The major political parties never finalise their plans for the upcoming year before they’ve read the predictions of our sagacious Canberra correspondent.
- Clive will undertake a waist recycling programme.
- Sarah Hanson Young will be the keynote speaker at the people smugglers’ annual business development forum.
- Jacqui Lambie will announce that she’s the best qualified person in Australia to become prime minister and will appoint Eddie Obeid and Joe Tripodi as her power brokers.
- Joe Hockey will announce the cancellation of his budget surplus policy citing lack of interest in the Senate.
- The charisma-free zone of Peter Dutton will prove ideally suited as Scott Morrison’s successor for saying nothing about Operation Sovereign Borders.
- Bill Shorten will spend the entire year promising to release his policies well before the 2016 election.
- There will be a Royal Commission into how on earth some people got elected to the Senate.
- The Greens will go into a frenzy of excitement about the Climate Change Conference in Paris especially if China promises to stop increasing emissions a year earlier in 2029.
- The remaining terrorists in Guantanamo Bay will be released on bail by visiting Australian magistrates.
- Peta Credlin will apply for a carer’s allowance.
- Kevin Rudd will announce his candidacy to be President of Australia and guarantee that a republic will be delayed for at least another ten years.
- The NSW State Labor Party will change its leader at least three times before shutting down for a year to decide whether there’s any point to it staying in politics.
- The government will introduce a new co-payment policy where the doctor pays the patient. This is designed to increase competition between doctors because they can decide how much they pay.
- Tony will break all his New Year Resolutions because after all they’re only promises to himself.
- Julian Assange, the Islamic Jihad Party and the whole population of Tasmania will announce their candidacies for the Senate.
- As a move to promote more efficient operations in parliament Bronnie will suspend Labor MPs before they enter the chamber for question time.
- The ABC will make further cuts to Q&A reducing the panel from five to four by eliminating the token right- wingers.
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