Offering a uniquely Australian perspective on the US Presidential election

The Holly Tickle Column

Down Mexico Way

Down Mexico Way

Friday 24 July, 2015
Friday Mash is thrilled to announce that Polly Tickle, the leading commentator on the social scene in US politics, will be writing a series of articles for us on the US election. She begins with an exclusive interview of Donald Trump.
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“Now then Donald” said Polly “you don’t seriously believe you will become the next US President do you?”

“Polly I’m always serious when I meet a beautiful woman like you” replied

Donald “besides who the hell is going to make the US great again if it isn’t me?

Hillary’s got about as much chance as Frank Underwood”

“But let’s be clear about this Donald” cooed Polly “do you really believe that calling Mexican immigrants “drug dealers, criminals and rapists” is going to help?”

“Of course it is” said Donald “it may be politically incorrect but as I’m not a politician it doesn’t really matter whether I’m correct or not”

“But honestly Donald” asked Polly “how on earth can those sentiments help you become President?”

“Simple” replied Donald “every time a Mexican immigrant is arrested for robbery, dealing drugs or rape my poll numbers go up. I’m desperately hoping that El Chapo, the criminal drug-dealing rapist who escaped from a Mexican jail will be caught here in the US because then I’d be a shoo-in for the White House”

“Aren’t you concerned by the fallout in the media?” asked Polly

“The only possible fallout I’m concerned about” replied Donald “is my toupée”

“I see Hillary came to your second wedding” said Polly “are you still close to her?”

“No” replied Donald “because unfortunately she didn’t turn out to be the Miss Universe type”

“What would be your top priorities if you became President?” asked Polly

“I’d build a huge criminal, drug-dealer and rapist-proof wall” replied Donald “right along the Mexican border, I’d send US terrorists to wipe out Daesh and I’d appoint Putin, Cameron and Hu to the Miss Universe judging panel”

“What your attitude to gay marriage?” asked Polly

“I’d send it back to Mexico” replied Donald

“What’s your standing in the Republican Party?” asked Polly

“They wish I was standing as Democrat” replied Donald

“What makes you think you’ll become the first-ever non-political President of the US?” asked Polly

“Because people are desperate for someone in the White House” replied Donald “who is prepared to call a Mexican rapist a Mexican rapist rather than a socially challenged Hispanic”

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About this Series
Polly Tickle is the leading commentator in Australia on the lifestyles of the rich and famous US politicians. She is arguably best known for her investigative journalism into why American politicians prefer sex to politics. Her eagerly awaited commentary on the US presidential election campaign is expected to convey unique insight into the part played by sex appeal in the election of the next President.

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