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Ethics Ain’t Effics

Ethics Ain’t Effics

Friday 8 January, 2016
Guy the Friday Mash Superfly was on a wall at CFMEU HQ when their Ethics Committee met to consider a response to the Royal Commission Report. Here is the exclusive account of their discourse.
The story starts here...

Guy the FridayMash Superfly

“Completely tainted” pronounced Eric

“Disgraceful waste of taxpayers’ money” said George

“Political stitch-up” interposed Arthur

“But there is the inconvenient truth that twelve of our officials have been cited for possible prosecution” said Fred

“That’s just a temporary inconvenience” said Eric “Once this whole exercise has been exposed for the Abbott outrage that it undoubtedly is the union movement will come out of it smelling sweeter than Malcolm’s after-shave”

“It’s nothing more than an Abbott vendetta against the unions” said George

“They’ve picked on a few isolated instances of minor union malpractice” said Arthur “and contrived to make it look like we’re the villains rather than the bosses”

“The trouble is” said Fred “that if they bring back the watchdog and we have twelve officials facing charges this Ethics Committee might be considered redundant”

“That’s so unfair” said Eric “we’ve been rigorous in enforcing CFMEU ethical standards”

“That’s true” said Fred “but we have to accept that our ethical principles are at odds with the Australian justice system’s perspective on the use of bullying, bashing and bribing in industrial negotiations”

“It’s absolutely outrageous” said George “that some High Court Judge can suddenly decide that the practices which have stood this union and this committee in such good stead over our long proud history are unethical.

There’s nothing more bloody unethical than that”

“Nevertheless” said Fred “this committee has to consider our response to the Royal Commission Report very seriously. If we just take a ‘get-stuffed’ attitude the watchdog will bite our arse”

“But if we’re forced to abandon bullying, stand-over tactics and bribery as legitimate tactics in good faith industrial negotiations” said Arthur “we’ll be at a serious disadvantage in future negotiations with unscrupulous bosses”

“But we’d also be in a serious disadvantage” said Fred “if we’re negotiating from Pentridge”

“Does this mean?” asked George “we should issue a statement saying that we agree with the Commission’s Report?”

“Good heavens no” replied Eric “an Ethics Committee can’t be seen to be doing anything as dishonest as that”

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About this Series
Having stuck with a fly paper for many years Guy has become a celebrated political reporter through his unique ability to locate himself on the walls the prominent and powerful and listen in to their conversations. He is always careful to take with him a fly-spray early warning detector.

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