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Ex-Prime Ministers; They Needn’t be a Nuisance

Ex-Prime Ministers; They Needn’t be a Nuisance

Friday 23 October, 2015
One of the unwelcome side-effects of having five prime minister in five years is a surfeit of ex-Prime Ministers making nuisances of themselves. Roger Pugh proposes a way of getting them off the streets and into a rehabilitation programme.
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The Roger Pugh Perspective

Australia now has six ex-Prime Ministers in various degrees of going feral. Any government faces formidable challenges but having to endure the burden of six ex-Prime Ministers constantly carping on about on about how they used to do it better must be pretty mind-numbing.

In their haste to stab incumbent prime ministers ruling parliamentary parties failed to take account of the recalcitrant remnants they were creating.

Bob Hawke has caused considerable consternation by continually kissing Julia in public even after she’d introduced a carbon tax and even before he’d had a few beers.

Paul Keating has been at a complete loss to understand why the country opted for Howard, Rudd, Gillard and Abbott while he was still around. Following his success in running the Hawke government the least his successors could have done was recruit him to do the same for them.

Since he was Prime Minister all the signs are that John Howard has acquired 20/20 vision.

Having applied his initial post Prime Ministerial period to the knifing of Julia, Kevin Rudd seems determined to devote his second to becoming Secretary General of the UN and applying his unique megalomaniacal style to running the world. It is perhaps reassuring to note that there are more faceless men at the UN than in the Australian Labor Party.

Julia Gillard is continuing a crusade against misogynism because she still hasn’t appreciated that her downfall was actually perpetrated by faceless Juliaphobes like Kevin.

Tony Abbott is programmed to spend the next decade destabilising Malcolm and writing books about how he saved Australia from Kevin and Julia.

It hasn’t yet sunk in that the only way he’d ever be accepted as Prime Minister again is if the people smugglers were threatening to invade or Malcolm turns out to be a closet socialist.

What a kindness it would be to ex-Prime Ministers not to mention Parliament and the community if instead of becoming intolerable nuisances their talents could be harnessed for the good of mankind.

There is growing support for the concept of an ex-Prime Ministers Think Tank.

It could be located in some remote corner of Australia like Christmas Island, where ideal facilities are becoming vacant. There they could concentrate happily on the really crucial issues facing Australia without becoming a nuisance to anybody.

Their output of learned papers would be avidly debated in universities and on the ABC leaving the government free to get on with running the country without being obliged to take a blind bit of notice of them.

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About this Series
Roger Pugh who has written most of the articles on Friday Mash occasionally publishes one under his own name for the reassurance that Abbattman or Jacqui’s Think Tank haven’t yet completely taken him over. His aim to convince those who are disillusioned with politics that it is a worthwhile activity if only for its entertainment value. He believes that politics could become really popular if politicians would only understood how funny they are and gave up trying to be so serious about everything.

View all articles in the The Pugh Perspective Series
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