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Dick Head Interviews

Fade to Green

Fade to Green

Friday 17 July, 2015
Friday Mash’s distinguished Canberra correspondent elicits the views of the Greens’ leader on how the Greek economic crisis is pointing to new ways of tackling climate change.
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Dick Head Reports on FridayMash

The Dick Head Interview
With Richard di Natale

“Now Richard” began Dick “what is your perspective on the Greek economic crisis?”

“I’m absolutely delighted” replied Richard “at the example Greece has demonstrated to the rest of the world on how to tackle climate change

“But I was referring rather to their economic reduction record” said Dick

“So was I” said Richard “I calculate that the 25% reduction in their economy and an almost 30% reduction in employment has resulted in a 40% reduction in carbon emissions and that is incredibly encouraging for the future of mankind”

“But what about the Greek people?” asked Dick “aren’t they entitled to feel seriously pissed off about the drop in their standard of living?”

“Their quality of life has actually gone up” replied Richard “because they are well on their way to a carbon neutral environment. If they continue on their current trend Greece will be carbon free by 2020”

“But wait a bit” said Dick “isn’t it unfair to expect the EU to fund Greece’s descent into decarbonated deprivation?”

“Of course not” replied Richard “by depriving the rest of the EU of an ever-increasing amount of funds Greece is helping them reduce their carbon emissions as well”

“What about the EU countries aspiring to economic growth?” asked Dick

“They’re kidding themselves” replied Richard “the world is running out of the resources needed to underpin economic growth. Greece led the world to democracy and now without a care for its own safety and wellbeing it is boldly leading the rest of the EU kicking and screaming towards a carbon-free future”

“So where does this leave Australia?” asked Dick

“Well first and foremost” replied Richard “we have to dump Abbott and Hockey. They’re still pursuing the environmentally toxic policies of economic growth and raising the standard of living”

“Couldn’t Australia achieve economic growth” asked Dick “through leadership in green economic development?”

“Well it might be possible” said Richard “but it’s critical not to raise people’s expectations too high in case they start believing again that a second car is a higher priority than drinking recycled sewage”

“Will the Greek experience influence you to produce a new set of economic policies?” asked Dick

“Certainly” replied Richard “I’m shortly going on a study tour of Greece to understand exactly how they’ve achieved this economic miracle”

“Will you be presenting your findings to the Paris Climate Change Conference in December?” asked Dick

“Absolutely” replied Richard “and I’ll also be proposing that the world commits to tackling climate change through banning economic growth”

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About this Series
Dick’s outstanding career in political journalism owes much to recent advances in psychiatric treatment. In his role as a leading Canberra correspondent Dick enjoys an especially close rapport with all the leading politicians and the loony left because he’s met them all at the treatment centre.

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