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A Hole Comments

Fair’s Not Fair

Fair’s Not Fair

Friday 22 April, 2016
A Hole, Australia’s leading anal commentator, argues that if the next federal budget is fair to everyone the outlook for the economy would be anything but fair.
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A Hole Comments on FridayMash

I have to laugh when Malcolm and Scott discuss spending cuts in the budget that will be fair to everyone. In today’s political climate a fair cut is anoxymoron.

If they cut spending on health it won’t be fair either to the sick or those who are sick of the health system being underfunded. In fact a cut in health expenditure would arguably increase the number of patients especially among health professionals and would encourage them some of them to perform un-elective surgery on the government to prevent them being re-elected.

A cut in education expenditure couldn’t possibly be judged fair to anyone except those who have chosen not to be educated. However things tend to even out because most of the uneducated either go on welfare or get a job in a union prior to entering parliament.

Cutting pensions would result in reduced life expectancy for the elderly thereby compounding the savings. That’s hardly a fair suck of the sauce-bottle even if they could afford one.

The Greens think it’s only fair to cut allowances to business and raise their taxes as well. In fact they believe Clive by embarking on a programme to shut down all his businesses interests is a pioneer in world best low carbon practice.

But if business was taxed and slugged to the point where the economy couldn’t be relied on to keep the joint open that’s arguably the nearest we could ever come to treating everybody unfairly in the fairest possible way.

There are loads of lobby groups, ginger groups, protest groups and rent-a-groups ready to scream ‘unfair’ if single-mothers, transsexuals, asylum seekers, dirty weekenders, charities, gays, the unemployed, the legless or heaven help us working families are treated unfairly in the budget.

In fact in a position where experts warn that that economic reform including reduced expenditure is the only strategy with a fair chance of fixing the budget the Senate is bound to deem it unfair and we’ll simply be condemned to soldier on in the same fair old mess economically.

That’s why being fair to everyone isn’t really fair to anyone.

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About this Series
As one of Australia’s leading social commentators A Hole is always conscious of the need to avoid making an arse of himself. His commentaries are frequently compared to the material on the walls of public toilets although they don’t remain in the public consciousness anything like as long.

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