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The Pudding Club Pontifications

Far From the Meddling Crowd

Far From the Meddling Crowd

Friday 23 October, 2015
Pudding Club members discuss an ingenious solution to the refugee crisis which could result in a huge diversion on the road from Damascus.
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The Pudding Club section Friday

Lord Noes, General Alarm and Sir Rah Sera marked French Cuisine Week at the Club with a lunch comprising cheese soufflé, sirloin steak with salad and pommes frites and a superbly tasting Chateauneuf-du-Pape.

“I say” said His Lordship “this refugee situation is proving to be a real bugger’s muddle”

“Couldn’t agree more” said the General “it’s nothing less than a threat to English civilisation as we know it. I can’t make up my mind who’s to blame, Assad, the IS, the EU, the UNHCR or the BBC”

“If everyone who is browned off with where they are living” said His Lordship “took it upon themselves to wander off in search of somewhere better the whole world would become a transit camp. We could have a situation where the whole of Africa became vacant just because they all fancy living in Mayfair”

“But you have to see the humanitarian perspective” said Sir Rah “you can’t expect reasonable people to aspire to the lifestyle in the Islamic State”

“You can’t reasonably expect people to live in Glasgow” said the General “but they somehow seem to soldier on”

“Damned if I can see a solution to all this” said His Lordship

“Well it’s no good expecting Russia and China to lend a hand” commented Sir Rah “because they only accept refugees like Edward Snowden just to piss off the US. So my plan is to create a refugee country”

“What an extraordinarily ingenious idea” said the General “it could be a huge boost for somewhere like Moldovia”

“What I rather had in mind” said Sir Rah “is the Falkland Islands. If we agreed to populate the place with millions of refugees the world would shower us with gratitude, we’d guarantee the future of the British Empire and the Argies would never have a prayer of claiming the joint”

“Brilliant thinking” exclaimed His Lordship “but how would all the refugees get there?”

“The UK could organise an international fleet” replied Sir Rah “which would cruise round designated worldwide refugee pick-up ports and transport them to the Falklands”

“I’ll put the idea to David at our meeting next week” said His Lordship “Tell me who would run the whole thing?”

“I’ve been giving that a lot of thought” said Sir Rah “and I believe the best idea could be to contract the whole thing out to Cunard”


About this Series
Located on the fashionable side of Pall Mall the Club is famous for counting some of the UK’s greatest political intellects among its members. Lord Noes, General Alarm and Sir Rah Sera convene there regularly to create the brilliant insights which David relies on so much to keep the ship of state on course.

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