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UK Election CamPAIN 2015

The First Cuckoo of the Year

The First Cuckoo of the Year

Friday 24 April, 2015
The Greens’ Election Manifesto is like a surge of renewable wind-power for all the faithful at the bottom of your garden.
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UK Election CamPAIN 2015

Just when you thought nothing could be electorally loopier than what’s going on in Scotland than the Greens launched their election manifesto.

Experts believe their policy of a 60% top tax rate plus a wealth tax is just what is needed to drive money out of the country and so rid it of one of the main causes of carbon emissions.

There is serious doubt however whether even the Sheriff of Nottingham would be happy with their Robin Hood tax on the banks because the chances are he holds shares in them.

In a particularly courageous move the Greens are proposing a mass insulation programme for homes. If this turns out to be a rerun of the chaotic Labor Party’s Pink Batts initiative in Australia it will cost zillions, put most installation companies out of business, cause fatal injuries amongst the work force, do absolutely nothing for the environment and be such an absolutely screaming disaster that it will cause a Royal Commission. In other words it would just be another typical Greens’ policy.

Against all expectations the Greens have decided not to ban the Grand National but are yet to make announcements on the Lords Test and the Cup Final.

They are proposing no tuition fees at universities and seventy-two quid a week for everyone just for waking up in the morning. They have dismissed fears that these measures could drive immigration from the EU to the point where Greece and Portugal would have to consider either shutting down or embarking on a re-population programme.

The Greens’ economic policy aims to bring the UK completely into line with EU best practice through an economic model which spends more than it collects in perpetuity. This will enable the UK economy to synchronise seamlessly with longer term financial planning in Brussels and eventually create a society where carbon emissions are an unaffordable luxury.

The Greens are claiming their policies constitute a revolutionary approach. Apparently that doesn’t mean they’re retro-communist but merely sufficiently Marxist to gain the support of Cuba and the BBC.

The Greens’ style of manifesto is especially valuable during an election because it gives voters a sense of perspective. It actually makes the Conservative and Labour manifestoes look relatively responsible.

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About this Series
Tori Banger, Friday Mash’s UK political correspondent, will be providing coverage of the UK election in her own inimitably seductive style

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