Offering a uniquely Australian perspective on the US Presidential election

The Oracle Of Omniscience comes up with a brilliant initiative to assuage the grief of Abbott supporters.

Flight Plan for Bronnie

Flight Plan for Bronnie

Friday 29 January, 2016
Malcolm is called upon to apply his peerless wisdom to the Bronnie dilemma. The question is will she be an even bigger pain-in-the-arse if they keep her than if they boot her out?
The story starts here...

Dial Triple O for Malcolm the Oracle

“What the hell are we going to do about Bronnie?” asked Christopher Pyne

“Beats me” replied Julie Bishop “if she stays in Parliament after the next election she could be a bigger menace than Tony”

“And if we dump her” said Christopher “just think what could happen if Channel Ten replaced the Bolt Report with the Bronnie Report”

“She’s such a wonderful woman of course” said Julie “but even though she’s got so much support in her seat it’s beginning to sag“

“There’s a danger of course” said Christopher “that if we’re seen to be overly aggressive in retiring her it might spark her loyal constituents to vote her back into Parliament as an independent”

“She says she wants to stay on in Parliament to fight terrorism” said Julie “but it looks as though that won’t be necessary because Clive is self-destructing”

“This is an exceptionally challenging problem” said Christopher “Tell you what, why don’t I dial Triple O for Malcolm the Oracle of Omniscience, he’ll know what to do”

Ten minutes later Malcolm swept into the room having just received the Nobel Know-all Prize.

“We have an intractable problem Malcolm” said Julie “which urgently needs an application of your Omniscience”

“Bronnie won’t go quietly” explained Christopher “She’s refusing to step down at the next election and apparently no-one noticed that she passed her use-by date in 2011”

“But if she stays in Parliament” said Julie “our only option would be to get the new Speaker to suspend her regularly”

“I’m switching on my Omniscience to full capacity” said Malcolm “and yes here comes the ultimate solution. We must get her appointed as head of the AFL and NRL judiciaries”

“But how on earth would that help O wise one?” asked Julie

“”The trouble with Bronnie” replied Malcolm “is that because she’s not suspending Labor MPs any more she’s suffering withdrawal symptoms. It’s a sort of suspended animation”

“I thought it was something like that” said Christopher

“Therefore” continued Malcolm “the logical solution is to place her in a position where she can suspend as many people as she did when she was Speaker. She may force both the AFL and NRL to shut down through lack of available players but it will give the government a chance to survive”

“Brilliant thinking Malcolm” said Julie

“I know” said Malcolm “We’d better tell Bronnie straightaway because I’d hate to keep her in suspense”


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