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Dick Head Interviews

Flying Free

Flying Free

Friday 20 January, 2017
Sussan explains to Dick that she’s not all that keen on the Gold Coast or on flying for that matter. But she loves flying free.
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Sussan explains to Dick that she’s not all that keen on the Gold Coast or on flying for that matter. But she loves flying free.

 “Now Sussan” began Dick “how does it feel to lose your job as health minister for flying 56 times to the Gold Coast on parliamentary expenses?”

“I must say it was worth it” replied Sussan “you just can’t compare the satisfaction you get from a minister’s job with the exhilaration of that much free air travel”

“Are you satisfied” queried Dick “by the contribution you have made to good governance in Australia?”

“I just couldn’t feel more fulfilled” gushed Sussan “for decades MPs have been bravely activating travel rorts to bring about change in the hopeless parliamentary expenses system but it took my initiative and sheer audacity to finally bring it about”

“Was it necessary” asked Dick “to rort so rigorously in order to force some sense into the system?”

“Oh absolutely” rejoinedSussan ‘Bronnie tried the helicopter trip and that didn’t change anything. I tried travelling to the Gold Coast for social events and that didn’t work but then I had the inspired idea to use a travel rort to buy an apartment there and hey presto this was the breakthrough inspiration that has sparked the biggest reform in parliamentary travel expenses for decades”

“So what future do you see for yourself in politics?” asked Dick

“New opportunities are opening up all the time” explained Sussan “there’s obviously a possible opening for me on the Ethics Committee and there’s talk of me chairing the Peter Slipper Foundation which is committed to rehabilitating ex-politicians so they have a chance of leading a normal life back out in the community”

“Do you think there would be a role for you” asked Dick “on the committee Malcolm is establishing to oversee the administration of federal members’ expenses?”

“Good heavens no” cried Sussan “that would mean I would have to divulge the rorting secrets of a lifetime. I still need some leeway to help optimise the benefits of my travel expenses”

“But surely” asserted Dick “Malcolm’s new expense rules will curb your ability to fly free to the Gold Coast”

“Not really” replied Sussan “I’ve got enough frequent flyer points to last for years”

“Why don’t you live on the Gold Coast?” asked Dick

“Because” replied Sussan “I don’t get the same thrill of anticipation when I’m flying in to Canberra”

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About this Series
Dick’s outstanding career in political journalism owes much to recent advances in psychiatric treatment. In his role as a leading Canberra correspondent Dick enjoys an especially close rapport with all the leading politicians and the loony left because he’s met them all at the treatment centre.

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