Offering a uniquely Australian perspective on the US Presidential election

Following in Kevin’s Footsteps

Following in Kevin’s Footsteps

Friday 10 March, 2017
Deep within the bowels of North Head at Manly Abbott and his team of co-conspirators meet in the secret bunker to discuss the next steps in their campaign to dis-Lodge Malcolm.
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Deep within the bowels of North Head at Manly Abbott and his team of co-conspirators meet in the secret bunker to discuss the next steps in their campaign to dis-Lodge Malcolm.

 “That was a tornado of a tirade you unleashed against Malcolm last week” opined Eric “but how did it square with your undertaking not to undermine or shitcan him?”

‘I’m merely following Kevin’s best PM-shafting practice” revealed Tony “where he claimed not to be dislocating Julia but merely campaigning for higher prime ministerial standards”

“Do you now believe” asked Cory “that Australians see you as better PM material than Malcolm?”

“Without question” replied Tony “in fact I’d go as far as to say that if there were the odd minor blemishes on my record they’ve all been forgotten long ago. Let’s face it Malcolm doesn’t have it in him to do things like canning the carbon tax and stopping the boats. Trump builds a wall but he just sits on the fence”

“How much longer” asked Eric “do you think Malcolm can last in the job?”

“Until the Coalition comes up with an outstanding candidate to replace him” replied Tony

“Well let’s see” said Eric thoughtfully “there’s Scott, Julie and Peter Dutton who could all step up to the plate”

“Hold on a minute” exclaimed Tony “Scott’s chances won’t come into surplus until 2025, Julie’s a career deputy and Peter Dutton would run the country like Forrest Gump with chronic fatigue syndrome”

“Ok then” declared Eric “who would you suggest?”

“Well” said Tony authoritatively “for the sake of the country and the Coalition it needs to be a person of immense stature who has already demonstrated he has what it takes”

“I doubt whether John Howard would be interested” asserted Cory

“No you fool” snapped Tony “I mean me. No-one can match my potential to make this country great again”

“Then why the hell didn’t you do it when you had the chance?” demanded Eric

“Malcolm cut me down” claimed Tony “just at the dawn of my finest hour”

“Malcolm actually cut you off” pointed out Cory “from six months maternity leave, doctor co-payments and becoming an asterisk in the Newspoll standings. Your best chance of future glory is joining me in

the Australian Conservative Party”

“I shall not be deterred” said Tony defiantly “I’m going to carry on campaigning for higher prime ministerial standards even if that means taking the risk that people will misunderstand me and believe that I’m undermining and shitcanning Malcolm”




About this Series
Abbott is on the outer studying the Gospel according to Kevin on how to wreak vengeance upon a Prime Minister who has spilt you to the backbench. He lurks in the shadows with his disciples desperately trying to figure out how to seize back The Lodge despite the having a preferred Prime Minister ranking slightly below that of a CFMEU activist.

View all articles in the Abbott the Avenger Series
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