Ravings of a Ratbag
Getting Anti-Ebola Action Into Gear
Friday Mash is in two minds about announcing the appointment of Luce Scruz as our international editor at large because it only happened only as a result of the authorities refusing to let her back into the country. This week she writes exclusively about her ideas on how to keep Ebola out as well.
Due to my listing by the World Health Organisation as a dangerous contagion I’ve known what it’s like to be quarantined. This has led me to undertake a wide-ranging review into how Ebola can be prevented from reaching Australia.
There is no question in my mind that the surest way to avoid Ebola down under is to mandate that the medical gear worn by doctors and nurses in West Africa be adopted as regular gear by the entire Australian population. Experts are convinced that people wearing the gear will be guaranteed not to catch the dreaded disease even if they go to Liberia for their summer holidays.
Furthermore the adoption of this attire could offer the Australian community a whole new dimension in lifestyle benefits.
For example Muslim women wouldn’t stand out as different anymore and the whole idea has been strongly endorsed by faceless men who perceive it could prevent them being profiled the next time a prime minister is stabbed.
Social workers believe that the permanent adoption of this gear would mean less people choosing a marriage partner purely on the basis of sex appeal thus producing a marked drop in the divorce rate.
Of course there are the usual negative reactions only to be expected in response to a breathtakingly brilliant concept like this. I can reveal however that modifications to the anti-Ebola gear are already underway which will ease the concerns of chronic diarrhoea sufferers.
In order to obviate embarrassing mistakes in personal relationships the male and female gear would obviously have to come in different colors. This would also help fulfil essential requirements like the continuing exclusion of women from the Melbourne Club.
Travelers arriving in Australia would be issued with anti-Ebola gear at the point of entry. Fears that this could affect tourism have been assuaged by the news that research is well advanced into producing a breakthrough design that will allow sufficient UV penetration for sun-bathing.
Authorities are absolutely confident that the universal adoption of anti-Ebola gear would not only eliminate racism, xenophobia and Ebolaphobia in Australia but also ensure that Ebola doesn’t prove anything like as infectious as ecommerce.