Offering a uniquely Australian perspective on the US Presidential election

Getting Ideas About Malcolm

Getting Ideas About Malcolm

Friday 2 October, 2015
Bill is confident that the switch to Malcolm will provide the inspiration he needs to fulfil his destiny as an ideas man.
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“I’ve just had an absolutely brilliant idea” said Bill

“Whoopty-do” said Albo “it can’t be worse than your last one”

“Which one was that?” asked Bill

“The one about starting to produce anti-Abbott ads for the 2016 election a year in advance” replied Albo

“I still think they’d work” said Bill “because they could spark a scare campaign that Tony’s planning a comeback”

“The people that would scare the most” said Albo “are members of the Coalition”

“On top of that” said Bill “we can capitalise on the fact I’m smarter and better looking than Malcolm and my mother-in-law used to be the Governor General”

“Get real Bill” said Albo “Malcom’s like a rich man’s Tony Blair and you’re like a poor man’s Kevin Rudd”

“My absolutely brilliant idea” said Bill “is to create a new ministry charged with building the cities of the future”

“Malcolm did that last week” said Albo

“Then I’ll emasculate Malcolm” said Bill “by frustrating the FTA with China”

“The only beneficial outcome of that strategy” said Albo “is that I’d have your job within a week”

“Well I’ll tell you one thing for sure” said Bill “we’ve got more women in the shadow cabinet than Malcolm’s got in his cabinet”

“I hate to break it to you” said Albo “but they’ve now got just as many women as we have”

“Oh drat” exclaimed Bill “why is it always me that has to come up with the great ideas? How about we start a carbon tax scare campaign?”

“It’s against party policy and will just remind people about Julia” replied Albo

“Here’s a great idea” said Bill “I could develop a dynamic persona as the guru of climate change”

“The last thing Labor needs to project” said Albo “is a leader who’s a cross between Tim Flannery and Al Gore”

“Perhaps I could build an image as an economic evangelist’ said Bill

“A cross between Wayne Swan and Joe Hockey” said Albo “would be even worse”

“Look” said Bill “my anti-Abbott rhetoric has been a huge success in the past. Are you sure it wouldn’t work for us again at the 2016 election?”

“Now that you’ve adopted his stop the boats policy” said Albo “and will shortly be joining him in a campaign to destabilise Malcolm it would only add to the confusion”

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About this Series
Bill Shorten suffers from a chronic inability to make an impression. People not only have problems remembering who he is but also remembering any of his ideas or in fact whether he’s ever had any. The only thing he’s ever remembered for is stabbing prime ministers which is of course the one thing he’d prefer that everyone forgot.

View all articles in the Shorten Forgettable Series
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