Offering a uniquely Australian perspective on the US Presidential election

Bill’s Angels Activations

Girlie Talk

Girlie Talk

Friday 31 October, 2014
This is a compelling account of the Angels’ activation to stop Mathias Cormann bending Bill’s gender by calling him a ‘girlie man’
The story starts here...

Bills Angels on Friday Mash

‘Good morning Angels’ said Bill ‘your intervention is urgently needed to stop the sullying of my enviable reputation. Mathias Cormann referred to me as an ‘economic girlie-man’ which seriously unsettled my socialist sensibilities. Your activation is to go forth and silence this slandering of the man destined to lead the nation to the Compromised Land’

Bill’s briefing left the Angels seething. The heavenly hell-raisers were prepared to stop at nothing to prevent their hero being treated just like any other politician.

It took them no time to formulate an activation strategy, grab a shot of nectar and burst into Mathias’ office.

‘Now look here Mat’ said Tanya ‘it’s come to our attention that you referred to Bill as an ‘economic girlie-man’. We’ve come to warn you that any repeat of this outrage will prompt us to have your guts for belly-dancing’

‘Why are you throwing such a big wobbler’ asked Mathias ‘about a piddling little thing like that?’

‘It’s not little’ replied Penny ‘it’s a huge sexist outrage to refer to Bill as a girl’

‘But I didn’t’ protested Mathias ‘I referred to him as an ‘economic girlie-man’ because he’s economic with girls’

‘What the hell does that mean?’ asked Kate

‘It means that you three are more than enough for him’ replied Mathias ‘and you’re certainly three more than enough for me’

I’m morally outraged’ said Tanya ‘because the way you referred to Bill was un-Australian’

‘That’s a racist reference’ said Mathias ‘to my proud Belgian heritage’

‘I’d even go so far as to say’ said Penny ‘that it’s totally foreign to our political environment’

‘That’s xenophobia’ said Mathias ‘which is bound to outrage Sarah Hanson Young and Tony Abbott’

‘I absolutely abhor Abbott’ said Tanya

‘So now’ said Mathias ‘you’re guilty of Abbott-phobia as well. You three need to improve your image by taking up skirt-fronting’

‘Look’ said Kate ‘why did you really call Bill an ‘economic girlie-man?’

‘Because’ said Mathias ‘ I was practising my Arnold Schwartzenegger impersonations’

‘In that case’ said Tanya ‘we’ll let you off with a caution on condition that you never refer to Bill as an ‘economic girlie-man’ again’

‘Ok’ said Mathias ‘I take it you’d be ok with ‘flaky fiscal fairy’


About this Series
Tanya Plibersek, Penny Wong and Kate Ellis are the tempestuous trio who comprise Bill’s Angels. No activation is too daunting for these glamourous guardians of goodness as they respond to Bill’s demands to root out any right-wing ratbag with the gall to mess with working families.

View all articles in the Bill’s Angels Activations Series
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