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Abbott into Abbattman

Giving Greece a Chance

Giving Greece a Chance

Friday 24 July, 2015
The people’s hero goes on his most challenging global mission yet to prevent Greece becoming a giant euro toilet with the capacity to flush down the entire EU economy.
The story starts here...

Abbattman - Tony Abbott super hero caricature

“Now look Alexis” said Jean-Claude Clunker the President of the European Commission at a recent meeting in Brussels “you can’t go on treating the EU like a giant automatic teller machine”

“Just because our economy resembles a planecrash” said Alexis Tsiprarse

“Greece shouldn’t be expected to suffer austerity. That’s economic racism”

“Look if it was up to me” said Clunker “I’d be only too happy to accommodate you but you know what Angela’s like. If she had her way she’d send in the bailiffs to repossess the Parthenon”

“But consider my position” said Tsiprarse “I was elected on a mandate to end austerity and this was confirmed by the referendum. It’s up to you to respect the democratic will of the Greek people”

“I quite understand that the Greek people are strongly in favour of living high on the hog spending everyone else’s money” said Clunker “but on the other hand Angela is strongly in favour of them adopting a DIY approach to supporting themselves. What Greece needs is a leader who can rekindle the spirit of Thermopylae”

At that very moment Clunker’s office door was removed from its hinges by the Abbattbike to facilitate the timely entrance of Abbattman.

“Oh hi Abbattman” said Clunker “what on earth brings you here?”

“I have come” announced Abbattman “to help you reverse the Greek plunge into grunge before it metamorphoses into a global lunge into scunge”

“You look like a member of the supporting cast from the Avengers” said Tsiprarse

“I’m here to offer the services of economic masterminds” said Abbattman

“who can work miracles for the Greek economy. I am referring to Treasurers even as mind-blowing as Joe Hockey and Wayne Swan”

“You have to be kidding” said Tsiprarse “they’re worse than our own douchebags who got us into such diabolical debt”

“But Wayne was rated the World’s Best Treasurer” said Abbattman

“That accounts for the fact that the world is in such a financial mess” said Tsiprarse

“Ok” said Abbattman “how about this? I’ll persuade Angela to run Greece as a sideline”

“Forget it” said Tsiprarse “that would be like making Netanyahu responsible for raising foreign aid for Palestine”

“There’s only one option remaining then” said Abbattman “Greece will have to be run by an Abbattgovernment”

“What the hell is that?” asked Tsiprarse

“It’s a government based on the teachings of Donald Trump” said Abbattman

“And what are they?” asked Tsiprarse

“Well first and foremost” replied Abbattman “the prime minister would be elected at a Miss Universe contest, parliament would be housed in a Trump hotel and Mexican criminals, drug dealers and rapists would be on the first plane to Mexico”

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About this Series
Tony Abbott’s alter ego was born out of an understanding that it would be disastrous to pursue most of his politically incorrect instincts as himself. The Abbattman persona allows him to commit assault and Abbattery on any Labor, Greens or PUP politician who richly deserves it without provoking people like Sarah Hanson Young to go into paroxysms of moral outrage.

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