Offering a uniquely Australian perspective on the US Presidential election

Going Feral Federally

Going Feral Federally

Friday 15 April, 2016
Fred Plodge the doyen of public bar political commentators opines that expecting politicians to spend taxpayers’ money wisely is like expecting to get rich from an internet scam out of Africa.
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Public Bar Politics - a FridayMash satirical series

The argy-bargy between the Coalition and Labor is the biggest waste of time and energy since geriatric orgies but when you add in the fracas between the government and the states it’s enough to convince you that Trump is on to something.

Now look I voted for Daniel Andrews in the state election because he promised to fix hospitals and schools. I voted for Tony in the last federal election because he promised to fix the economy without increasing taxes.

Now I find that the only way Victoria can fix hospitals and schools is through gaining extra funding from the feds which they can only find through increasing taxes.

So my votes have cancelled each other out. This is sheer bloody madness.

Andrews is constantly moaning on about the Malcolm not providing enough dosh to enable the delivery of his election promises and Malcolm tells him he can’t because that would break the Coalition’s election promises and I voted for both sets of promises.

No wonder politics in Australia is such a bugger’s muddle. COAG meetings must be like closing time in Kings Cross.

What gets me about politicians is the lengths to which they go to deny responsibility for stuff-ups which are obviously their responsibility. And our federal system provides them with so many options for apportioning blame; other political parties, independents, the Senate, the House of Reps, the states, the government, the rest of the world and Kevin, Julia and Tony.

I can’t help feeling that Malcolm’s got a point about our federal system of government. If the states spent even half the time they devote to moaning about how mean Malcolm is over schools and hospitals getting off their arse and doing something to deliver on their own promises government would start to make a lot more sense.

Meanwhile I’m being forced into a rethink my voting strategy. Logically if I vote in a state election for the party promising extra funding for schools and hospitals I should vote for in a federal election for the party promising to raise taxes to pay for them.

On reflection however trusting one lot of politicians to keep election promises is a stretch. Trusting two is a sign of electoral brain damage.

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About this Series
Fred Plodge is widely acclaimed as Australia’s premier pub commentator on politics and international affairs. Pub patrons throughout Sydney look to Fred as their most unfailingly reliable source of current affairs commentary. Fred’s insight seems to reach full potential after around six schooners and this has led to a feeling amongst patrons that by comparison the commentary from most politicians falls a few schooners short.

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