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Loud Reports from Tori Banger

Going on Leave

Going on Leave

Friday 8 July, 2016
Friday Mash’s seductive UK correspondent Tori Banger notes that such is the disorientating impact of Brexit she’s having trouble keeping her affairs in order.
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Tori Banger, UK political correspondent

Experts here now believe Brexit was the start of a re-alignment in Europe that will probably never finish. The trouble is that while the UK voted to Leave the EU they didn’t vote to Leave Europe.

So while Europe’s second largest economy is still in the continent but not in the EU it’s now difficult for Brussels to claim the European organisation they head up is still a credible economic union Europe-wise.

Experts believe the only way of resolving this dilemma is a European referendum to decide whether the UK should Remain or Leave the Continent.

The Leave camp in the UK didn’t bother to come up with a post Brexit plan because they felt that would have been presumptuous and anyway simply stopping membership payments to Brussels was considered all that would be required.

Crucial issues like should the UK become another continent were not given due consideration. However leaders of the UK Independent Continent Party (UKICP) point out that it would be a lot easier for the UK to do a new trade deal with the EU if they were on a different continent if not planet.

While a majority in the Conservative Party wanted to Remain there’s a huge majority in the Labor Party who want Jeremy Corbyn to Leave.

Nicola Sturgeon wants Scotland to Leave the UK but Remain in Europe. So there will almost certainly be a second Scottish referendum on independence unless it is pre-empted by a second EU referendum across the UK which also canvasses whether the UK should gain its independence from Scotland.

I’m desperately disappointed that my old chum David has become a casualty of all this although there’s always the chance he could get the job back after a second referendum. Perhaps in the meantime we might have the chance to do a bit of socialising together just like old times.

At this point it looks as though Theresa could pip Gove to succeed David thus confirming my view that she Remains the best person to manage Leaving.

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About this Series
This legendary UK correspondent has seduced her way into the bedrooms of political power. Her pillow peccadillos have given her a unique perspective on the affairs of state. Politicians find difficulty in concealing even their most private secrets from her because she features in most of them.

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