Offering a uniquely Australian perspective on the US Presidential election

Bill’s Angels Activations

Not A Good Luke

Not A Good Luke

Friday 20 March, 2015
The Angels go on an activation to try and make Luke Foley a winner but find that Mike Baird is almost as angelic as they are.
The story starts here...

Bills Angels on Friday Mash

The Angels couldn’t help but feel a flirtatious frisson as they awaited the next Skype briefing from Bill.

“Good morning Angels” said Bill “today I am sending you on an activation which will further purge the scourge of Abbott from this land. Yours is the challenge to convince Luke Foley he can win the NSW election and take another huge step in ensuring that the Coalition’s cupboard is Baird

The Angels could hardly contain their careless rapture. Once again they had a heaven-sent opportunity to castrate the contemptible Coalition and install palpably progressive premiers right across the Commonwealth.

They flew Virgin, the Angels’ airline of choice, to Sydney, took a taxi to MacQuarie Street and were soon fronting Luke Aquinas Foley.

“What’s the Aquinas thing?” asked Tanya

“It’s Catholic” replied Luke

“That’s okay” replied Tanya “so long as you’re not mates with religious rectums like George Pell and Abbott”

“We’ve come” said Penny “to infuse you with the courage, the inspiration and the conviction to win the NSW election”

“Oh that’s good” said Luke “then all I’ll be lacking is the experience”

“If Anna Palaszczuk can win in Queensland” said Kate “you can certainly do it here”

“Hold on a minute” said Luke “she was up against Campbell Newman who is an absolute crapbag but I am up against the most worthy of men, a Premier who has captivated the community with his honesty and integrity and no-one in the NSW Labor Party has any experience of competing on that level”

“Trust the coalition” said Tanya “to come up with a diabolically divisive diversion like that. But he’ll never appeal to Eddie Obeid’s true believers’

“What makes you think that you could be a great premier of NSW?” asked Penny

“Well nothing really” replied Luke “I’ve never actually run anything. It’s all a it of a surprise. I only took the job on because the other candidates were all remnants from the previous government’s wreckage”

“But that means you could become another Bob Carr” said Kate

“No chance” responded Luke “the NSW Labor Party is following the lead of Ford and Holden by deciding we can’t afford to produce any more Carrs”

“Can’t you see yourself” asked Tanya “tearing Baird limb from limb in the Bear Pit?”

“Well not really” replied Luke “but maybe I could persuade Russell Crowe to have a go”

“It looks like most effective way we can help your campaign” said Penny “is by trashing the reputation of Baird”

“That would be difficult” said Luke “even Abbott hasn’t managed it yet”


About this Series
Tanya Plibersek, Penny Wong and Kate Ellis are the tempestuous trio who comprise Bill’s Angels. No activation is too daunting for these glamourous guardians of goodness as they respond to Bill’s demands to root out any right-wing ratbag with the gall to mess with working families.

View all articles in the Bill’s Angels Activations Series
Share with
Sign up for Mailing List

powered by MailChimp!


You may also like...

Breaking Up Is Hard To Do
Pudding Club members consider whether Brexit will be a disruption...
Extremely Mixed Doubles
The case for modelling gay marriage on tennis...
Tanking With Tony
Friday Mash is pleased to be able to publish these left-wing leaks...
Not To Be Sniffed At
Following revelations from Prince Harry that no member of the Royal...
Theresa’s Last Stand
Pudding Club members believe that Theresa will hang on bravely until...
Coal-Fired Coalition
In this latest edition of her occasional series about life at the...