The Pudding Club Pontifications
A Hard Look At The Soft Option
Pudding Club members discuss why Theresa has called an election and conclude it’s because she rates Corbyn as a much softer option than Brexit.
Lord Noes, General Alarm and Sir Rah Sera lunched at the Club last week on roast lamb with minted peas and potatoes and a really most refreshing Brunello de Montalcino.
“I say” exclaimed His Lordship “fancy Theresa calling a snap election’
“And a damned good thing too if you ask me” opined the General “it will greatly strengthen her majority and almost certainly decapitate that cretin Corbyn”
“Hang on a minute” urged Sir Rah “if Corbyn gets knocked off there’s the possibility that Labour could get a leader who is good enough to become a nuisance”
“That won’t matter” declared the General “because they’re only going to win a couple of seats”
“And there’s another critical issue” persisted Sir Rah “like whether the election will become an opportunity to strengthen the anti-Brexit campaign and demand a parliamentary vote on the final terms of the agreement”
“Well the only people likely to stir that pot” claimed the General “are Tony Blair and the Lib Dems and that would be like trying create renewable energy through group farting”
“In my opinion” said His Lordship responsibly “the wild card in this election will be the SNP. They’ll be leading the anti-Brexit charge and if they win another sweeping majority you can bank on the fact that Sturgeon person will claim it as a mandate to Scexit the UK”
“I can’t be absolutely sure” admitted the General “but I’m almost certain she wasn’t the woman with whom I hada highland fling after a Tattoo in Edinburgh”
“I rather think that Nicola could be in for a surprise” asserted His Lordship “because there’s a good chance the Scots will perceive that Theresa is a better blend, has got more bottle and has aged for much longer”
“And what’s more” pointed out the General “they will start to realise that the EU without the UK is like Real Madrid without Gareth Bale”
“Many astute observers like us” declared Sir Rah “believe that while the election will result in a comfortable win for Theresa it could force her into a Brexit that is very much on the soft side of hard”
“For a hardarse like Theresa” explained the General “hard landings are nothing more than a soft option. Only crash landings are calculated to give her a pain-in-the-arse”