Offering a uniquely Australian perspective on the US Presidential election

Kerryman - the Hair Apparent

Hillary; The Failing Female of Email

Hillary; The Failing Female of Email

Friday 2 September, 2016
Biden comes up with a brilliant idea to offset any damage caused to Hillary by the emergence of further emails but the problem is it requires world leaders to say something complimentary about her.
The story starts here...

Kerryman - The Hair Apparent personality FridayMash

“So what’s the latest?” enquired Obama

“You don’t want to know” replied Biden

“Don’t tell me” pleaded Obama “that we’ve been hit with yet another blizzard of Hillary’s emails

“Another fifteen thousand” confirmed Biden

“Don’t tell me they’re going to be released before the election” pleaded Obama plaintively

“How did you guess?” asked Biden

“Is that the full extent of the damage?” asked Obama hopefully

“Hardly” replied Biden “there’s also yet more emails revealing the relationship between the Clinton Foundation and the State Department”

“Surely they won’t be released soon” said Obama without conviction

“They already have been” confirmed Biden

“Trump must be having a field day” said Obama despairingly

“You could say that” confirmed Biden “he’s already demanding that Hillary should either be incarcerated at Gitmo or interviewed by Sean Hannity on Fox News”

“This is an absolute disaster” lamented Obama “if things go on like this I might just as well send Trump the second set of keys to the White House even before the election”

“I’ve got an idea” announced Biden “and I think it’s worth discussing with Kerryman because his Presidential campaign was an absolute mess as well”

When he got the call from the White House Kerryman was getting an estimate from a leading Georgetown barber for a short back and sides.

“Now look here Kerryman” said Obama sternly when he entered the Oval Office with a hairy wave “Joe’s had an idea about Hillary which he’d like to discuss with you so please do your best to take it seriously”

“As you know” said Biden confidentially “Hillary’s campaign is once again menaced by the release of thousands of emails which could terminate her Presidential prospects. My idea is to counter this by the release of emails from world leaders confirming that Hillary is a once in a generation wonder-woman”

“Who is going to source them?” asked Kerryman

“You are” replied Biden

“You must be kidding” exclaimed Kerryman “there’s no way Putin would play ball because he was on Monica’s side, Theresa May and Angela Merkel won’t comment in case they’re questioned by the FBI about possible links to the Clinton Foundation and Hillary is not even on Francois Hollande’s bucket list

“Oh darn it” cried Obama “is there nothing we can do?”

“The only thing I can suggest” said Kerryman “is sourcing a video of Donald Trump saying nice things about Hillary when she attended his second wedding”

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About this Series
The Kerryman series tracks the career of a remarkable man who manages to combine the onerous duties of US Secretary of State with the desperate need to prevent himself becoming overgrown with hair by getting it cut at least twice a day. This probably explains why his barber has a bigger influence on US foreign policy than Obama.

View all articles in the Kerryman – Secretary in a State Series
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