Offering a uniquely Australian perspective on the US Presidential election

Hillary Rises In Hobart

Hillary Rises In Hobart

Friday 29 April, 2016
The Think Tank comes up with a brilliant election strategy to present Jacqui as the Hillary of Hobart.
The story starts here...

Jacqui Lambie Think Tank masthead

Nazel Hare, Randy Mayle and Prof. Penny Wise expected a summons to a Think Tank election strategy session at Glad’s Tea Rooms as soon as the Senate rejected the ABCC. Their enthusiasm for the session heightened considerably upon advice that Glad’s meat pie and lamington leftovers from Anzac Day would be served.

“I’m absolutely determined” announced Jacqui “to resist Malcolm’s attempt to double dissolute my parliamentary career. I’m damned well going to get re-elected even if I have to resort to using my sex appeal”

“That wouldn’t help” said Randy “because zombies can’t vote”

“Good on you Jacqui” exclaimed Nazel “we’re with you all the way in your quest to stick it up Malcolm”

“I don’t know about all the way” said Randy doubtfully “it depends what you’re going to stick up him”

“It strikes me” said Penny pensively “that this election is lacking something desperately needed in Australian politics, a powerful charismatic woman”

“You mean like Hillary?” asked Nazel

“Exactly” replied Penny “a force of nature that’s a refreshing change from misfiring males like Kevin, Tony and Malcolm”

“That’s it” cried Randy “Jacqui should campaign in the election as Australia’s answer to Hillary”

“But Hillary’s not my style” said Jacqui “she’s far too much of a politician”

“You share many of her special qualities” said Randy “you’re in the Senate just like she was and her impact on the US Embassy in Benghazi was similar to the one you have on Canberra”

“But I don’t have anyone like Bill around” claimed Jacqui “who’s been there and done that”

“No problem” said Nazel “I’ll make enquiries about the First Bloke. I don’t think he’s still got a full-time job with Julia”

“But I’m not being investigated by the FBI” said Jacqui

“I know” said Randy “but I could report you to the Federal Police for robbing me of my innocence”

“I don’t know” said Jacqui “whether it’s all that brilliant an idea. If I suddenly start claiming to be the Aussie Hillary she might sue me for breach of copyright”

“Here’s what we should do” proclaimed Penny “make Jacqui up to look like Hillary and send a photo to Bill asking “How do you like my new look darling?’.

If he addresses his response to Hillary we can claim that even Bill thinks Jacqui is a clone of his wife”

“Do you think we could get Bill to come over for Jacqui’s campaign launch?” asked Nazel

“Hey wait a minute” exclaimed Jacqui “I’ve got my reputation to think about”

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About this Series
Friday Mash has gained exclusive access to the intellectual powerhouse behind the Lambie political phenomenon. Jacqui has assembled a Think Tank comprising the best minds in Tasmania. Nazel Hare is Jacqui’s campaign manager and President of the Lambie for PM Movement, Randy Mayle is the leader of the Tasmanics a star-studded group of star studs and Professor Penny Wise is the Head of Business Studies at Burnie University. The Think Tank meets regularly at Glad’s Tea Rooms just outside Launceston and Friday Mash will bring you regular reports of their intellectual discourse.

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