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Dick Head Interviews

If At First…

If At First…

Friday 21 October, 2016
The Dick Head Interview With Mike Baird Mike Baird explains to Dick that all politicians get things wrong the first time round but unlike him don’t take the trouble to get it right the second. “So Mike” began Dick “what’s the general reaction to your backflip on greyhound racing?” “I’m getting a positive reaction round […]
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The Dick Head Interview
With Mike Baird

Mike Baird explains to Dick that all politicians get things wrong the first time round but unlike him don’t take the trouble to get it right the second.

“So Mike” began Dick “what’s the general reaction to your backflip on greyhound racing?”

“I’m getting a positive reaction round the traps” replied Mike “which makes the outrage from the RSPCA seem very dogmatic”

“You acknowledge then” pursued Dick “that your original decision was wrong”

“Well not exactly” claimed Mike “it was rather a mandatory first step towards identifying the right one”

“But doesn’t this decision” asked Dick “represent a complete reversal?”

“On the contrary” responded Mike “after due consideration we decided that it wouldn’t be an acceptable change for the hare to chase the greyhounds”

“So what’s the next step on shark nets?” asked Dick

“Following the brilliantly successful backflip on greyhounds” explained Mike “it would be remiss of me not to follow suit on shark nets. And I know I’ll have the full backing of the Royal Society For The Prevention of Cruelty To People”

“Don’t you find backflipping” asked Dick “to be something of an embarrassment?”

“Good heavens no” cried Mike “it’s so rewarding to finally get something right. It’s only through making wrong decisions that the right ones become possible. And in regard to greyhound racing there were critical new factors to consider like the Nationals threatening to put down their leader and use me for live baiting”

“Are you considering a backflip on council amalgamations?” asked Dick

“No” replied Mike “but I am considering a backflip on my promise not to place shark nets around them”

“Of course” pointed out Dick “you’re also under tremendous pressure to backflip on the lockout laws”

“Well actually” explained Mike “I’m thinking of introducing lock-in laws instead. Anyone caught in a pub after 3am wouldn’t be allowed to leave until they’re sober”

“How on earth will you be able to enforce that?” asked Dick

“Shark nets” replied Mike

“Do you consider” asked Dick philosophically “that all this backflipping is a sign of good government?
“Of course” replied Mike enthusiastically “look how much better off the country would be if all politicians backflipped every time they made a bad decision”

“But wouldn’t it cause widespread disillusion and dismay” queried Dick “once the public realised that so many decisions taken by politicians are wrong?”

“Not once they were reassured” replied Mike “that all the backflips are right”

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About this Series
Dick’s outstanding career in political journalism owes much to recent advances in psychiatric treatment. In his role as a leading Canberra correspondent Dick enjoys an especially close rapport with all the leading politicians and the loony left because he’s met them all at the treatment centre.

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